TERRORISTS ATE MY HOMEWORK!
The BEAST Guide to Post-9/11 Political Opportunism
Matt Taibbi

Lack of Drugs Poorly TImed
A BEAST Editorial

Let's get Medieval
The BEAST Explores CEO Punishment Options
Hackworld
Sublime Tactics

Matt Taibbi
BEAST Pysics Tips, vol.2
Tom's Ticket Out!
A Gift for Tom Sartori
A BEAST BY ANY OTHER NAME
Saying Hi to ArtVoice, vol.2
Life Imitates Sarcasm, vol.2
Velma's Nekkid City
Corporate Fanmail
Separated at Birth
Page 3 Bengals Fan!
 
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Last Issue: (3)

TOM'S TICKET OUT!

Tom's Ticket Out Even we had to admit, it was a pretty funny performance. Last week, one of the BEAST interns, Luke Fox, was thrown out of Kahunaville by stage impressario Tom Sartori after he told the artist: "Hey, Tom! You suck!" Sartori's response on stage was classic. "How come there's always some dipshit who hates me who stands up at the front?" When Luke handed him a business card and asked for an autograph, Sartori crumpled the card, made a jerking-off motion with it, tossed it back at him, and then waved. "Bye," he said, smiling. Next thing you know, two security goons with secret-service-style radio sets in their ears were escorting Fox out of the building. You had to give the guy his due; he knows how to keep people from fucking with his act.

Tom's ticket That said, we don't want to be nasty about this, but we decided to do a little something for Tom. No pressure, mind you, just a flat-out statement of fact: we've bought Buffalo's best solo performer (two years running) a one-way bus ticket to Fort Wayne, Indiana, by way of Toledo. And what we're saying is, Tom, if you want it, it's right here in the office, and you can pick it up anytime. If you don't, that's cool, we understand. But if you change your mind, it'll be here. And BEAST readers take note: if you see Tom, please pass along this news, since we're guessing he doesn't read this paper. But please don't say it in a mean way. We don't want him to get the wrong idea.



 
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