BEAST Page 3
Deposed Nepalese Despot
Turn-ons: Divine right, Tenzing Norgay, Cromwell,
milliners, haberdashers, an infantilized populace, Dick Cheney,
paternalism, Bootsy Collins, Dr. Teeth.
Turn-offs: Chairman Mao, free will, Sir Edmund
Hillary, noblesse oblige, Elton John, nudists, Nehru jackets.
I got to be The BEAST PAGE 3 Deposed Nepalese Despot:
I blew it, folks. I squandered all the good fortune that came
with my family fortuitously being slaughtered a while back.
All this time watching the United States, I thought I had it
figured out. I used the fear of Maoist rebels and some folderol
about government corruption as a pretext for my power grab of
the government. How could I have been so blind? Maoists? My
sin was vanity: I thought I was doing it the NeoCon way—but
I lacked imagination. I should have stuck to old stand-bys like
the threat of foreign invasion or mysterious contagions, farfetched
notions about which people have no constructive knowledge. Or,
perhaps, I should have pursued politics in America—a much
stupider and vastly more superstitious land. The truth is I
thought democracy was passé. I didn’t realize there
were people still interested in exercising their rights or who
cared what their leaders were doing. Boy, is my face red—I
know, it’s hard to tell with my complexion, but trust
me: I’m blushing.
Future Plans: Perhaps I was too hasty a moment
ago. A ceasefire has been declared and while I’ve officially
relinquished power, I’m still positioned to manipulate
the political process. The people should’ve guillotined
me when they had the chance…Wait, is it too late to strike
that—damn! Whatever happens, I’m canceling my subscription
to the New York Times. They made it all look so easy—I
was completely taken in.
How I’d like to be remembered: As the
Imelda Marcos of hats.