A Look Back Through the Ages by The BEAST's former Editors.

100 BEASTs of Gratitude
A brief note from the asshole in charge.
Al Uthman

Father Knows BEAST
A few unkind words from our founder.
Matt Taibbi

Outrage 101
A BEASTly education.
Paul Salamone

Me & My Buddy The BEAST
Chris Riordan

Viva El BEAST!
Recollections of an undocumented BEAST Staffer.

The Truth About our Intentions
The very 1st BEAST Editorial.

The BEAST Government Kids Page Review
Ian Murphy

Murtha's My Lai
Stan Goff

Call me Old Fasioned, but I Think the President Should be Killed
A BEAST Reader Opinion
by Gengis Khan

The BEAST Page 3 Deposed Nepalese Despot

Kino Korner
Da Vici Code, Poseidon, Just My Luck, See No Evil.

Your cosmic fortune...
in insult form.

[sic] - Letters
Judge Punch, toilet reading, and Moses in denial.

Still Scum, Still Sucking
Our local Rep, Tom Reynolds.
Paul Fallon

A Prank of Two Cities
The incredible true story of how we propositioned the mayorís wife and rigged the NHL playoffs.
Paul Jones

Top 10 Signs of the Impending Police State
Hey America, freedom's just around the corner... behind you
Allan Uthman

A Preview of this Issue
...By Sabres play-by-play man Rick Jeanneret!

I Know More Words Than You
An editorial of verbose contrivance.
Paul Jones

by Chris Riordan

Itís 4:25 am on Saturday morning. I am purposely typing this story in the first-person in an email that I will soon send - complete with typos and misspellings - to Al Uthman. Why? Because I told him Iíd do it by Friday and I just realized I passed my own self-inflicted deadline and have too much stuff to do this weekend to put it off another second.

But you know what... maybe it would be wise to just wait until I am more coherent because this is going to turn into some long stream-of-consciousness babble that might have found its way into The BEAST back when I was editor, before the whole Celebrity Justice thing and Taibbi being on the Daily Show and in Rolling Stone and ZWAN being GAY. Wait, ZWAN was GAY before I was the editor.

Yeah I was the editor. Executive editor, in fact, and I even fired someone. The big cheese, the head honcho, the alpha, the proverbial man. In BEAST-world, the editor is even more in charge of things than the publisher. Itís a very hard job, there is little to no pay, and the little bit of reward you get in exchange for the stress of being the editor of a paper like The BEAST is that you can brag about being the editor. So please, bear with me as I relive my glory days.

The paper is truly in more capable hands now and Iíd like to write a story for the 100th issue but I am not getting paid for it and I am not even assured that it will be printed, so instead of an article Iím just going to write this email to Al that he can run in the paper in case he needs to fill up room because he was expecting my contribution.

I donít know... the BEAST has a very interesting history and there are a million great stories about it. I hope someone does a better job of documenting that than I am doing, but I guess Iím just not motivated by the sheer fun of it all anymore.

And, without meaning to, I think I just fully illustrated what issues 20-something to 30-something were like. Less politics and rationality, more nipples and ghosts and nonsense. It was fun while it lasted, but a political satire paper without the politics has a very limited audience to market to. Sure... Iím a failure, but as usual I didnít fail enough to feel bad about it. I mean, shit, it was six issues. Biweekly! Thatís like, forever in dog years.

Please consider my retrospective objective accomplished.... I do.



Idiot Box by Matt Bors
Big Fat Whale by Brian McFadden
Perry Bible Fellowship by Nicholas Gurewitch
Bob the Angry Flower by Stephen Notely
Deep Fried by Jason Yungbluth

e-mail the evil editors at sic@buffalobeast.com
John Stossel's Invisible Handjob
Leaking Integrity: WaPo lies
I'm with Stupid: Tony Snow
10 Questions for Scott McClellan
Ask Dr. Cruise
Guide to Post-9/11 Opportunism
Ask a Horrible Human-Monkey Hybrid
GWB's Rapture Report
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