Page 3 Serpent Bride
Thulsa Doom, mice, Boyz N the Hood, Shiva, heat rocks, competitive
spitting, Fangoria, Cobra Command.
St. Patrick, mongooses, herpes, PETA, Cleopatra, Dodge Vipers, hood piercings,
Eve, rattles, Nora Ephron, Zartan.
got to be The BEAST PAGE 3 Serpent Bride: A lot of gals talk a good
game, but I've really had it with men—and women. So I married a King Cobra.
Sure, he's potentially deadly. It may sound naïve and cliché, but he's never
hurt me and that's all that matters. He's a simple creature, who only needs
a saucer of milk and the occasional lower-caste child. It's just nice to have
someone who listens. What's more, my man's likely to grow 5 meters!
Plans: Well, first I'm going to buy some goggles. Then, for my own
personal safety, I think I'd like to learn to play the pungi: a snake charmer's
flute. With any luck, we may one day work up to heavy petting. I think we'll
be maintaining separate residences, however: I'm thin and impoverished, thoroughly
inured to pestilence and squalor, but there's no way I can hack in it in an
anthill. Meanwhile, we're delaying our honeymoon until August, for the premiere
of Snakes on a Plane. That’s gonna rock!
like to be Remembered: As somehow luckier than the girl from my town
who, earlier this year, married a dog. Seriously, can you believe that?