intimate thoughts of true heroes
July 4th, Cindy Sheehan and several peace activist
groups such as Code Pink and Gold Star Mothers for Peace embarked
on a harrowing 2-month hunger strike to end the occupation
of Iraq and bring the troops home.
supporters are participating in a “rolling” fast, in which
they bravely deprive themselves of nutrition for an entire
24 hours, at which point they “pass” the hunger strike
onto someone else.
conscientious celebrities have joined the noble cause, eschewing
the luxury of their privileged existence and suffering the
dangerous and debilitating effects of starvation for a whole
day. This sacrifice is a true representation of their level
of commitment to the antiwar cause. The BEAST has been lucky
enough to obtain excerpts from some of these celebrities’
day-long hunger strike diaries. We are honored to share these
candid insights of celebrity suffering and heroism with our
3: I have always firmly believed that breakfast is the most
important meal of the day, but on this trying day peace is
so much more important, than say, delicious eggs benedict
or a huge, fluffy pile of waffles covered with strawberries,
powdered sugar and overflowing with pure Vermont maple syrup
and whipped cream. The pain in my empty stomach is almost
unbearable. This must be what it feels like to get shot in
battle. I am now a true warrior for peace. My hunger and suffering
has brought me a mental clarity, which I have never known.
For instance: I just realized I am married to Tim Robbins
the actor and not Tom Robbins the novelist – I had never really
noticed that before. Only 21 hours left, 8 of which I plan
on sleeping through, so let’s say 13 hours left. Come on,
Sarandon, you can do this! Time to get tough – like you would
have in Erin Brockovich – if it weren’t for that big-lipped
bitch Julia Roberts! What a cunt, I hate her! It’s time to
prove to the Bushistas that when you mess with the country
– you mess with the power of celebrities. I only hope I have
the strength to keep my pedicure appointment. If I don’t go
that little Korean bitch has the nerve to charge me like she’s
some kind of goddamn doctor! I hate her almost as much as
I hate war and Julia Roberts. I’m beginning to feel faint.
I don’t know how much longer I can last. If I die at least
I will be remembered as a true American hero, just like Gandhi.
6: I am totally fucking hungry. I have never fully appreciated
how hard it must have been for the civil disobedience pioneer
Ben Kingsley. Perhaps that is why he won the Oscar. Ben Kingsley
was a great, hungry man – not like the TV dinners of the same
name – he wouldn’t have eaten one because he was a cool dude
who had a purpose. His purpose was to end India’s oppressive
colonial rule by the Roman Empire and that is exactly what
he did. Through pure determination he was able to affect change
through a hunger strike and I am only walking in that brave
man’s footprints. I too, have a purpose and that makes me
a cool dude. This war is most uncool, unrighteous and non-awesome,
for sure. And that is why I am sacrificing so much.
in peace, Ben Kingsley, wherever you are – I wouldn’t be able
to do this without your strength as inspiration.
am going to fucking pig out at Jack in the Box tomorrow.
15: Willie growing tired. Willie very tired. Willie now too
weak to even sing, strum or smoke pot. Willie going crazy!
Willie’s hands out of Willie’s control. They keep stroking
a cat but Willie doesn’t own a cat. Willie allergic to cat
dander. Willie losing mind with hunger! Willie finding inner
strength to smoke pot. Willie calming. Willie calm. Willie
feels nostalgic for warmth of Earl Scruggs. Willie sees mammon
personified, riding a cheetah/moose chimera, glowering above
me in the swirling wonder that is Willie’s ceiling fan. Willie
does have the best drugs. Willie combating munchies for peace.
Willie going to dip pony tails in own blood to scribe sacred
may hate war but Willie have many bills. Willie have to go
call Toby Keith for another duet, even though Willie would
never give beer to horses in real life.
hasn’t been this hungry since Willie spent a full fortnight
making love and doing back flips. Willie’s biodiesel Mercedes
smells like French fries, and Willie salivates mercilessly.
Willie's shirt is all spitty.
23: I’m getting too old for this shit.