Aug 9 - Sep 7, 2006
ISSUE #105
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Features

Sympathy for the Beagle
Chinese dissidents yearn to be treated like dogs
Allan Uthman

DICKLESS
David Brooks donates genitals in noble pursuit of status quo
Matt Taibbi

HILL ON FIRE
Hillary Clinton copulates with the ghost of Richard Nixon
Matt Taibbi

Happy Hiroshima
John Hershey's Hiroshima turns 60
Alexander Zaitchik

Happy Election 2008
An Exclusive BEAST Preview
Josh Bunting

Local BEAST

Buffalo in Briefs
Kunz Goldman: keepin' it real ... dumb
Ian Murphy

Alt Weakly
The BEAST grades the remodeled Rochester Insider
Brian Sek

Violent Femmes
Thursday in the Square
Reviewed By a Preachy Christian Asshole

Departments

Sprouting Sweet Potato

Kino Korner: Movies
Talladega Nights, Miami Vice, The Night Listener, The Descent, Scoop, John Tucker Must Die

BEAST-O-Scopes
As divined by your etheral guide

[sic] - Letters
Mad Maximalist, The Man Without a Case, The Passion of The Wrist and more


Josh Bunting

Only four people so far have officially announced their candidacy for the next Presidential campaign. Two are Republicans and two are Democrats, and one from each party warrants some special attention.

Both believe they are the messiah sent to redeem humanity during the End Times, which just happens to coincide with their own lifetimes. Both hate and/or fear communists. It is very doubtful that either of them has had what we might call a normal conversation with another human being in the past decade. Their political writings are patently insane. In other words, all that's stopping them from being considered “serious candidates are campaign funds and media exposure.

Since the BEAST enthusiastically endorses these candidates as their respective party's nominees (but not as President), we present to you some much-needed background on the political up-and-comers of the 21st century.

And don't worry about why we're supporting them. We have our reasons.

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