Beast Banner Sept. 7-21, 2006
ISSUE #106
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Features
ArrowThe 51 Funniest Things
About 9-11

The BEAST 5 year fun-a-versary tribute!
Ian Murphy

ArrowThe End was Nigh
Just ask Glenn Beck & Karl Rove
Matt Taibbi

ArrowIronic Accuracy
Rumsfeld gets it exactly backwards
Allan Uthman

ArrowSemtex on a Plane
A brief guide for the aspiring terrorist
Alexander Zaitchik

ArrowJourney to the Center of
the Center

USA Today’s Commonground
Chris Famighetti

ArrowOff With Their Heads
Democrats walk themselves to the gallows
Matt Taibbi

ArrowAmericans Reluctant To Help Fake-Sounding "Darfur"
Josh Righter

Local BEAST
ArrowAnonymous for Senate
Opposition who?
Allan Uthman
Departments

ArrowThe Beast Page 3
Inevitable Untimely Death

ArrowKino Korner: Movies
Little Miss Sunshine, World Trade Center, Accepted, Pulse, Snakes On a Plane, Zoom, Material Girls

ArrowBEAST-O-Scopes
As divined by your ethereal guide

Arrow[sic] - Letters
Googlophobia, Local Man Likes Bar, Ho Defends Pimp, Bucky Balls and more

The Beast Page 3
Inevitable Untimely Death

Steve IrwinName: Steve Irwin

Turn-ons: Biology, peril, anti-venom, Kylie Minogue

Turn-offs: Paul Hogan, PETA, soft-spoken wildlife documentarians, being pierced in the heart

How I got to be The BEAST Page 3 Inevitable Untimely Death: Crikey! Who’d ‘ave guessed that taunting dangerous animals for a living would be so ‘azardous?

Future Plans: I expect the first few years of the afterlife will go something like the last few days—lots of other souls drifting past me and laughing behind my back. But I’m planning a big comeback, pestering the eternal souls of exotic predators.

How I’d like to be remembered: Well I certainly ‘ope it isn’t by the now-macabre FedEx commercial where I pretend to die from a snakebite! Also not by the time I tried to feed my newborn child to a crocodile in front of an ‘orrified crowd! Crikey, that was a real crackup! I guess just as a right charming lad who really knew how to piss off animals.

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