|October 5 - 19, 2006
Greetings, truth-seekers. This issue's astral divinations have come to me in the form of 12 jokes about the demise of habeas corpus. May they serve you well.
Libra (Sept 23 -Oct 22)
Favorite joke among prisoners, 2014 -- "So, what are you in for?"
Scorpio (Oct 23-Nov 21)
Prisoner: "I demand to know what I'm being charged with!"
Sagittarius (Nov 22 - Dec 21)
Prisoner: "I'm in serious pain!"
Capricorn (Dec 22 - Jan 19)
Policeman: "Sir, you're not being charged."
Aquarius (Jan 20-Feb 18)
Reporter: "I don't get it. We're attacked by a lunatic terrorist group, and then you don't find them. Everyone knows they're in Pakistan, but for some reason you still haven't bothered to get them. Instead, you're devoting the nation's military resources to an entirely unrelated colonial scheme in a different country. And we're supposed to believe your record on national security is something to brag about?"
Pisces (Feb 19-March 20)
Q: How can you tell the difference between America and a country that respects human rights?
Aries (March 21-April 19)
New Miranda warning:
Taurus (April 20-May 20)
A conversation from 2009:
Gemini (May 21 -June 20)
John McCain, being tortured by Homeland Security agents: "I can't believe this is happening to me again!"
Cancer (June 21-July 22)
Leo (July 23-Aug. 22)
Virgo (Aug 23-Sept 22)
send your ill-informed ravings to us here
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