|October 5 - 19, 2006
WE HAVE BALLS SO YOU DON”T HAVE TO
I am a sophomore at a semi-local university studying Biochemistry, and as you might expect, the workload and stress tests even the most determined student's sense of determination and general mood. Reading your paper (and laughing my ass off) brings a break from the monotonous droll of examinations and constant challenge that has become my life.
The fact is, I enjoy your paper's humor because it has balls. It brings a sense of rebellion to my life, which is otherwise dominated by expectations and institutions. I agree with most of your viewpoints on our governmental and social leadership in this country, but I also think that every time I agree with a proverbial "fuck you" handed out to hypocrites and liars in Washington a part of me gets to say FUCK YOU to all of the institutions that seem to control my life at times.
For this and more, thanks a lot, and don't ever stop stop releasing the Beast.
Yeah Chris, screw the man…the biochemistry man! Who does he think he is, requiring you to “study” and “meet established educational standards?” Just so you can get some piece of paper which proves you’re “qualified?” What a scam, man. Fight the power!
When is someone going to write about Joel Giambra's new child and girlfriend?
Hmmm. Lets see… maybe when it becomes relevant?
SO STRAIGHT I’LL KILL YOU
If you guys have any balls you print the name of the asshole who writes the bestoscopes. Then he will see If he thinks I am a fucking faggot when me and my "frat buddies" are kicking his fucking ass!!!!!!!!! A personal ad is jus that PERSONAL assholes you pricks. YOU ARE THE FAGGOTS AND YOUR PAPER SUCKS!!!!
You know, Joe, we hate to break this to you, but if you and your buddies want to kick Gullerstein’s ass because he made fun of your Craigslist ad seeking a “tgirl/ts” (without mentioning your name, we’d add), that really makes you seem pretty gay. It’s really sad how you’re all torn up inside. Time to dig deep, Joe.
I’M REALLY COOL, I SWEAR
I like the website-I stumbled across it last weekend while looking at some stupid book about stupid letters or something on Amazon (hey, I don't buy crap like that-just was bored and reading the excerpts) that linked me to 50 most loathsome Americans 2004 and from there I sent you a short E-Mail from my cell phone. Basically it said I'm happy to report Number Three YOU doesn't even begin to describe me. Although I live in Beverly Hills, I'm the kind of guy who's very intelligent and does care about treating people at least halfway decently. And I NEVER eat processed food-we have some great grocery stores here that are chains, but aren't really typical supermarkets, meaning they offer fresh baked goods, their own chocolates, fresh sushi, deli, soups, all of that and more-Bristol Farms and Whole Foods. And I know 9/11 is Cheney's baby and how and why. I'm far from perfect and I'm not really an activist, but I'm way, way aways from ignorant which is where most of the country is. And it's a shame. Your website will educate a little at a time, and with humour, which is always a draw-but can't possibly win the war. Look who you're talking about. Need I say more? Still, I applaud your efforts tremendously. Would absolutely love to hang out with you guys if you managed to make it out to the west coast. Oh, and I'm agnostic, too-smart enough to know all known Gods are bullshit and why and also smart enough to realize that if there is some force that controls the universe, it is beyond the understanding of you and I.
Well, Rodney, aren’t you special? No. No you’re not.
According to Reynolds regional staffer, Gregg Merlihan, his recent comments to the Beast's Reynolds article was "A Human Colostomy Bag?" Merlihan further dismissed the article by commenting Beast editor Paul Fallon was "The guy who announced his candidacy naked on the steps of City Hall."
And this dismisses the facts in what sense? There's democracy at work for us in WNY.
If Reynolds is WNY's human colostomy bag can we get confirmation that Sam Hoyt is WNY's biggest douche bag? Cat litter is more effective than Hoyt.
In Hoyt’s defense, Superfly, cat litter is pretty damned effective. Just imagine what a box full of cat turds would smell like without it. Maybe something like a colostomy bag.
HUGO TO HELL
OK , McCain was on CBS this morning and Bob Schieffer asked him about Jerry Falwell comparing what Hilary would do the country, to what Satan would do to it. McCain just brushed this off. Said you could see that Falwell was smiling when he said it ; and that he was clearly just being facetious.
It’s true; Chavez was way out of line calling Bush “el Diablo.” Everybody knows Cheney’s really the Devil.
A BOLD CHALLENGE
i am sick and tired of two-bit pricks like yourselves making fun of popes and religion in general. show some real balls for a change and hold the muslim faith up for ridicule
Yeah, Colton, that’s a real good point. We’d never have the balls to make fun of Islam, except for maybe doing an entire issue on it last February, including running one of the cartoons almost no one else in America had the stones to print. You sure told us, dumb-ass.
Dear Beast, thanks for taking the piss out of that cringe inducing toss pot Mr Irwin. We shouldn't speak ill of the dead, but that man was to wild life conservation, and environmenatalism, what Christian Fundamentalists are to reasoned scientific investigation.
I've just listened to his funeral where, I am informed by that prick Howard, that 20 million pairs of Australian arms are embracing his wife; the mind boggles, 20 million wife gropers?
I observe their collective nuttiness with growing disbelief and point to your own countries' sense of resonable grief expression(Reagan's funeral, 9/11 parties etc) as the key reason for Aussie contemporary stupidity. The man was a nut who hugged crocodiles, and kissed snakes: Hugged crocodiles and kissed snakes! How the fuck did they think he was going to die, cardiac seizure while shagging his Mrs?
Oh yeah, I've never heard of Jonathan Tasini either, my excuse is I'm 12000km away. He sounds worth a punt.
Humanitarian or suicidal lizard harasser, Rob, Irwin’s in a better place now. It’s much cooler in the ground. We wouldn’t mind punting Tasini ourselves.
Please, Please go visit Mark Croce's newest Abortion on display known as THE BUFFALO SMOKEHOUSE.......Please TEAR it up in the review section.....for he hates THE BEAST....I worked for him, and he fired me for reading THE BEAST.......Fuck HIM, SHOOT HIS HELI DOWN UPON FRANKLIN ABOVE SKYBAR....that fat fuck with his 24yr old fiancee' that wont sign a prenumpt...fuck her too...gold diggin slut...Thank u All...Devoted BEAST Reader and former employee of Mark Croce
Well Ted, that’s another few thousand papers Croce’s going to throw in the trash. Remember to lift with your legs, Mark.
I have been in the Army 8 years and an American all my life and when I see things like the toe tag army reserve poster of yours it makes me sick. You are a coward, I hope you enjoy hiding under the blanket of freedom provided to you by our soldiers. The world is changing and if it was not for brave men and women in our armed forces this war would be on your doorstep and you would have no place to hide. You are a fool if you think that won't happen. Enjoy your freedom and don't ever attack the means for which it is provided
You know, Blake, the more we hear this “freedom isn’t free” stuff, the more it really makes sense. After all, there aren’t any free, developed nations out there without huge military forces—unless you count Sweden, Switzerland, Norway, New Zealand, Holland, Finland, Luxembourg, Andorra, Iceland, Monaco, Canada, or, you know, a whole bunch of others. On the other hand, countries which enjoy military might are always bastions of freedom—except for China, Russia, North Korea, Iran, Pakistan, Turkey, Egypt, India, Syria, Saudi Arabia, or, well, quite a few others.
So yeah—wait. That doesn’t make any sense at all! Now we’re scared. Where’s our freedom blanket?
Greetings, oh you ever so truthful Beastyites!!!!The time has come to put the proverbial stake through Tom Reynolds heart???And...his political carreer too!!!!!!!
I don't like to beg guys....but being a faithful Beast reader, I would offer that Reynold's alleged fore-knowledge" of Foley's Follies is nothing short of the holy grail! A riteous preface to start his politcal assasination! I implore of you!!! Let the festivities begin!!!!!Light 'em up guys!!!! I thing a full page editorial is in order:1) To wake up those who have any loyalty to Reynolds and his cohorts..the Bushies. and 2)To make the pervert scumbag squirm for his covering up the acts of the pedophile Foley...just think....ALL THIS JUST BEFORE THE MID TERM ELECTIONS!!! I cannot wait to see this public undoing fashioned in the most BEASTLY manner!Take this gift and run with it...better yet...sprint with it like a full length marathon!
Hey GARY!!!!! We can tell you’re EXCITED because of your strategic use of CAPITAL LETTERS!!!!! And EXCLAMATION POINTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This is a TRULY EFFECTIVE WRITING TECHNIQUE!!!!!
send your ill-informed ravings to us here
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