Beast Calling

Eliot Spitzer says “on the first day everything changes.” Concerned with the life-altering ramifications of this claim, we called his Buffalo campaign headquarters.

Spitzer Intern: Spitzer 2006.
BEAST: Hi, is this the Spitzer campaign offices?
S: Yes!
B: My name’s Josh, I’m a resident here in New York State, and I was wondering if you could answer a few questions about Spitzer’s, uh, policies.
S: Sure. I don’t know if I can answer all of them, I’m an intern. I’m the only one who’s here, but I’m pretty sure I can answer them.
B: OK, great. I saw a thing on his website about revitalizing downtown areas, and I was wondering how specifically that would apply to Buffalo.
S: I’m not sure, I really wouldn’t be able to answer that. Sorry.
B: That’s OK. I saw on the TV ads and on the website, it said “Day One: Everything Changes.”
S: Uh huh.
B: So that “Day One,” that’s referring to his first day as governor, right?
S: Yup.
B: OK. I just had some other questions about that. The Bills and Sabres, are they still going to be in Buffalo, or will that change?
S: Oh my God, they’re not going anywhere. I can assure you that.
B: [feigning relief] Oh, that’s wonderful.
S: With a winning team like the Sabres, they’re not going anywhere.
B: Great, great. Now, um, what about the Superfund? Do you know how he would go about dealing with that?
S: I’m not really sure. I know that as far as his actual budgets go, the dollar for dollar spending… He has a new budget as opposed to what they have right now.
B: Uh huh.
S: I really couldn’t tell you what it is.
B: Well, it’ll change with everything else, right? I mean the Superfund –
S: Oh my God, yes. The thing is they wanted to correct some spending. It has a lot to do with a lot of misuse – not only misuses, but misallocations. What the specifics are, I really wouldn’t be able to tell you. However, the Day One thing, the reason that they’re going with Day One is when the new budget starts to go into effect.
B: OK.
S: That’s why they’re pushing this Day One. They’re not using previous Democratic, um, you know, officers’ budgets, they’re using new stuff and kinda wanted to put a push on that.
B: So that’s another thing that’s changing.
S: Yeah.
B: That’s so great!
S: I think the thing is that they’re not afraid to say… They have made some mistakes in the past, as far as the gubernatorial seat, and without pointing fingers at the present Democrats, they still wanted to [unintelligible].
B: Sure, sure. Another thing I noticed in the ads was that it showed a shot of… Well, it was discussing NY state, you know, how he remembers the old ways of NY.
S: Mhmm.

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