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ISSUE #109
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Features

ArrowPayback Time
If Republicans lose Congress, don't assume things will change
Matt Taibbi

ArrowAre You Radioactive Football?
Why “dirty bomb hoax” is redundant
Hank Williams Jr.

ArrowMurrah Redux
9/11 Truth is a bald regurgitation of a silly tale we heard ten years ago
Matt Taibbi

Local BEAST

ArrowTom & Sally Take a Trip
Foley Shmoley! Reynolds has scandal all his own.
Allan Uthman

ArrowRepresentative Royale!

ArrowBeast Calling
We call Eliot Spitzer's campaign to see just what "on the first day everything changes" means.

Departments

ArrowThe Beast Page 3
Inoperable Sump Pump

ArrowKino Korner: Movies
The Prestige, The Departed, Employee of the Month, Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning

Arrow[sic] - Letters
Chuckleside, Konspiracy Kops, Happy Clam Sends Mindless Bias, Kid Power and more

Kino Korner

 


The Prestige | The Departed | Employee of the Month
Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning


Employee of the Month

Employee of the MonthA little over a year ago when a co-worker handed me a copy of Dane Cook’s Retaliation and Harmful If Swallowed CDs, I put them near the computer and added listening them to my list of things to do someday. More people I came across asked me if I’d heard him yet and started talk talk talking him up—an action that almost ensured that I probably wouldn’t enjoy what I might make it a point to hear someday. I eventually watched a few minutes of Cook’s act on Comedy Central. I say only a few because all I saw was what I was pretty sure was a coked-out pretty boy jack-off in desperate need of a shower.

It all made sense to me. I could tell that Cook worked out and shopped at American Eagle. He looked reasonably “hip,” as the kids would say and didn’t do his act in a suit that either his wife or mother picked out for him. If you’re a stand up junkie I could see how he was kind of refreshing, but I knew if I was going to get any enjoyment out of those dust-collecting CDs that sat on the desk I’d have to change the channel and check them out. And when I eventually got through them I could honestly say that Cook is kind of funny. Better than Emo Phillips, but he’s definitely no Louis CK.

Obviously it was only a matter of time before someone yelled action after standing Cook in front of a movie camera and making him snort a dozen Pixie Stix. So we’ve got Cook in his first starring role playing a slacker stock boy at wholesale store. He’s been wasting his 20s away at the job and what better way to get an underachiever to make something out of himself than a large-breasted blonde played by Jessica Simpson? She’s the new girl at work and digs the employee of the month and there’s Cook’s dickhead nemesis who’s always employee of the month and I’m getting so bored talking about this. So very bored.

 

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