The Top 5 Most Thoroughly Vetted Talking Points!

A BEAST POP QUIZZLER
with Casey Kasem!

5) Kickin’ off the top of our list, this dogmatic ditty got a lot of miles on the airwaves - and had us Iraq-in’ all the way to the water cooler: “As the Iraqis stand up we shall stand ___________”

a) up also and do things!
b) down.
c) around with our collective dick in our hands and talk about Britney Spears’ fat ass.
d) on top off their heads, perforating their skulls with our golf cleats.
e) – I haven’t been able to stand since my last tour of Baghdad.

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4) This doozie came on strong in December and is still enjoying ad naseum repetition without a hint of irony: “Iran is having a __________________ effect on Iraq.”

a) wicked awesome
b) post office
c) definitely not a ‘post office effect,’ but some kind of effect, like a sticky, slimy, icky… no, um, uh, oh… oh… OH! RUN MOTHERFUCKER! TOUCHDOWN! WOOOOO! Yay! Okay, what?
d) destabilizing
e) relatively minuscule (You know, compared to what we’re doing.)

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3) Tapping into Pop-America’s fear of the ‘other,’ this biggoty-boppin’ tune can be heard nightly on “Hard Ball with Chris Matthews.”:  “Is America ready for its first __________ president?”

a) black
b) woman
c) soy
d) psychotic machete wielding
e) both (a) and (b), possibly (d) but never (c) and (a)

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2) Based on a number originally recorded in Lou Dobb’s basement with the late great Mamma Cass - this catchy xenophobic number had ‘em all buildin’ a wall down south: “America must fix its ____________ borders.”

a) porous
b) MILF magnet
c) broken
d) oh my god, did you hear what that rich douche said about that redundantly ugly lesbian
e) – wait what was (b)? Cause me and some bros are headed down south for spring break, bro, and like yo, bro could you like get me some directions and shit, bro?! Seriously, bro.

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5) And who could forget – at the countdown’s number one spot  - this bit of popular pabulum that’s had us all swingin’ in lockstep since its debute release as a b-side to “Mission Accomplished.”:  “We need to make decisions in Iraq based on _______________ on the ground.”

a) Wolf Blitzer’s assumptions
b) the facts
c) the boots – but only if their size 10 d) the number of mutilated children
e) the ground?! Fuck the ground! A helicopter or predator drone would be able to give us a much better perspective. I’m just sayin’