Beast Banner March 2007
ISSUE #114
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Features

ArrowSchlep Boys
Failing forward in one act

Allan Uthman

ArrowThe Britney Budget
Matt Taibbi

ArrowEeny, Meeny, Miny, Moe
Blogger and journalist Brad Friedman of The Brad Blog on the hijacking of democracy and more

ArrowObama
The best BS artist since Slick Willy

Matt Taibbi

ArrowSweet Nothings
Lies my paper told me

Allan Uthman

ArrowMenace in Seat 36F
Based on a True Story

Michael J. Smith

ArrowBEAST gets poetic on dat ass!
Saul Williams schools us on Hip Hop and our choice of lunch

ArrowCelebrity Buttholes Will Be the End of Us
A. Monkey

ArrowThe BEAST Melanin / Electability Index

ArrowThe Truth Spin
Sometimes, honesty really is the best policy

Allan Uthman

ArrowTV Highlights
CBSs Numb3rs signals the end of the end of the American Empire

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad

Departments
ArrowKino Korner: Movies
The Abandoned, Wild Hogs, The Number 23, Zodiac, Reno 911!: Miami, Amazing Grace, Black Snake Moan, Shooter, The Astronaut Farmer, Inland Empire

ArrowBEAST-O-Scopes
As divined by your ethereal guide

Arrow[sic] - Letters
The Pussy of the Christ, How Great We Art, Dumb Shit, PhD, All You Need is Loathe and more

 

Kino Korner

 


The Abandoned | Wild Hogs | The Number 23 | Zodiac
Reno 911!: Miami | Amazing Grace | Black Snake Moan
Shooter | The Astronaut Farmer | Inland Empire


Reno 911!: Miami

Every time I’d see Reno:911! on Comedy Central I’d always get a kick out of the level of stupidity displayed by the Reno Sheriff’s Department. It always kept the bare minimum of story to keep the gags going and you could pretty much get the gist of the whole show even if you only caught a few episodes. And like most good shows it knows to pull the rip cord before you get bored.

And that’s the problem with bringing a TV show to the big screen. You’re trying to make a meal out of pork rinds, flat pop, one of those school lunch-sized servings of apple sauce and the last serving from a box of cereal. You know what I’m talking about—the cereal dust composed mostly of sugar and decimated grains that is more suitable for snorting than mixing with milk and attempting to eat. Reno:911! is a car ride that, if it lasts longer than about 20 minutes, begins to make you feel antsy and want to start throwing shit at the driver’s head.

But this is not to say you won’t see some great things along the way. The preview shows the Reno Sheriff’s Department patrolling Miami after a biological agent gets released at a police convention and they’re the only ones left to keep Miami safe. The trailer shows them attempting to dispose of a beached whale and breaking up a party at Suge Knight’s place and it looks damn funny. But every time I’ve seen a half-hour TV show turned into a 90-minute movie I’ve lost a fraction of my will to live. Like bowel movements, the longer they are, the less enjoyable they become. But then again, Borat was based on a 5-minute segment from Da Ali G Show and that worked so we’ll have to see.

 

 

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