The Abandoned | Wild Hogs | The Number 23 | Zodiac
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Shooter | The Astronaut Farmer | Inland Empire

The Number 23

If it wasn’t bad enough watching Robin Williams go from playing hyperactive asshats to reinventing himself as a mediocre dramatic actor, you can now tighten those stomach muscles and go to that happy place again because Jim Carrey’s doing it. He’s starring in The Number 23, a story about what I’m guessing is supposed to be a seemingly normal guy who starts reading a book about the number 23. All of these trivial occurrences throughout history and he goes batshit. Selena was 23 when she died, so The Man is out to get Jim Carrey. Johnny Carson was born and died on the 23rd day of the month, so Carrey’s wife is a slut. Julius Caesar was stabbed 23 times so Carrey’s kids aren’t his. Oh, and Dr. Pepper is supposedly a blend of 23 flavors so Armageddon is coming soon. I’m sure some kind of contrived alternate reality comes into play because I saw some really shitty tribal tattoos on Carrey and the inescapable Virginia Madsen went from being a blonde to a brunette with chop shop bangs at one point in the trailer.

All I know is that I want to punch Jim Carrey 23 times in the face for that stupid haircut and I want to kick director Joel Schumacher in the balls 529 (23 squared) times for still making horrible, horrible movies. What!? Some grad student with OCD who can’t decide if he wants to be a math geek or a screenwriter loads up on Red Bull and skunk weed and we’ve got to sit through this crap? Oh, and we’re so fucking clever putting it out on February 23rd! Oooooh!

register your indignation here