Beast Banner April 2007
ISSUE #115
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Features

ArrowPresident Rubber vs. Speaker Glue
Pelosiís scarf and GOP barf

Allan Uthman

ArrowIn Defense of Ann Coulter?
Conservatives have a right to be assholes, just like real people

Paul Fallon

ArrowWithdrawal Symptoms
Iraq timetable’s a political fix

Matt Taibbi

ArrowJesus Christ!
People will believe anything

Ian Murphy

ArrowWhat, Me Worry?
Iranians aren’t scared of a U.S. attack

Russ Wellen

ArrowLandslide of Failure
The battle for election integrity is led by... the Governor of Florida?

Brad Friedman

ArrowDeregulation Killed my Cat
Food contamination: the Bush legacy

Allan Uthman

ArrowThe Whining Minority
Republican congressman turns from bully to baby

Matt Taibbi

ArrowIt's tax time again and I want to maul you
A.Rabid Dog

ArrowContradictum
Self-refuting quotations from the world of politics

ArrowBonobos vs. Chimps
A Debate for Lemur Philosophers

A. Monkey

Departments

ArrowThe Beast Page 3
Censored Chocolate Jesus

ArrowKino Korner: Movies
Are We Done Yet?, Grindhouse, Blades of Glory, Pride, Reign Over Me, The Lookout, The Reaping, Perfect Stranger, Vacancy, Fracture

ArrowBEAST-O-Scopes
As divined by your ethereal guide

Arrow[sic] - Letters
A Very Thin Hope, Classy, Mile High Club, Equal Rights Harassment, Kiwi Fruit and more

 

Kino Korner

 


Are We Done Yet? | Grindhouse | Blades of Glory | Pride
Reign Over Me | The Lookout | The Reaping
Perfect Stranger | Vacancy | Fracture


Blades of Glory

I’d like to take this opportunity to put a hit out on Jon Heder. Napoleon Dynamite was funny if you managed to catch it before the hype killed it, but watching his Mormon Beck wannabe ass perpetually play the same role, usually reserved for Saturday Night Live alumni, got old about 3 movies ago. But Will Farrell is around to rehash his Anchorman role and hopefully make the movie… not suck.

Farrell and Heder play rival figure skaters who find a loophole which allows them back into the sport after being banned—doubles skating. The whole thing sounds fruity as shit but if Farrell’s in it, it could go either way. Fortunately Amy Poehler and Will Arnett are the villains. Hopefully they’re not the only other roles. Usually when something’s that iffy I’ll just sneak a bottle of MD 20/20 into each jacket pocket, which either results in a temporary Time Of My Life or a desperate call to my attorney. Either way, my movie-going experience is definitely optimized. And optimized it shall be. 

 

 

 

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