Beast Banner April 2007
ISSUE #115
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Features

ArrowPresident Rubber vs. Speaker Glue
Pelosiís scarf and GOP barf

Allan Uthman

ArrowIn Defense of Ann Coulter?
Conservatives have a right to be assholes, just like real people

Paul Fallon

ArrowWithdrawal Symptoms
Iraq timetable’s a political fix

Matt Taibbi

ArrowJesus Christ!
People will believe anything

Ian Murphy

ArrowWhat, Me Worry?
Iranians aren’t scared of a U.S. attack

Russ Wellen

ArrowLandslide of Failure
The battle for election integrity is led by... the Governor of Florida?

Brad Friedman

ArrowDeregulation Killed my Cat
Food contamination: the Bush legacy

Allan Uthman

ArrowThe Whining Minority
Republican congressman turns from bully to baby

Matt Taibbi

ArrowIt's tax time again and I want to maul you
A.Rabid Dog

ArrowContradictum
Self-refuting quotations from the world of politics

ArrowBonobos vs. Chimps
A Debate for Lemur Philosophers

A. Monkey

Departments

ArrowThe Beast Page 3
Censored Chocolate Jesus

ArrowKino Korner: Movies
Are We Done Yet?, Grindhouse, Blades of Glory, Pride, Reign Over Me, The Lookout, The Reaping, Perfect Stranger, Vacancy, Fracture

ArrowBEAST-O-Scopes
As divined by your ethereal guide

Arrow[sic] - Letters
A Very Thin Hope, Classy, Mile High Club, Equal Rights Harassment, Kiwi Fruit and more

 

Kino Korner

 


Are We Done Yet? | Grindhouse | Blades of Glory | Pride
Reign Over Me | The Lookout | The Reaping
Perfect Stranger | Vacancy | Fracture


Fracture

The trailer for Fracture is possibly one of the most ordinary trailers I’ve ever seen in my life. The more I think about it, it may even be less than ordinary, and if nothing else it’s not doing its job. Movie trailers are supposed to suck you in. They’re meant to be that shapely, smooth leg sticking out in the hallway saying come on in.

But Fracture’s leg isn’t really doing that. It’s giving us a yet another bristly I’m not even trying anymore performance by Anthony Hopkins as a man who killed his cheating-ass wife and admits as much. Then there’s the bad tattoo on that leg in the form of Ryan Gosling as the hotshot attorney who’s got a job lined up at a prestigious law firm. Yes, it’s all doggy-style and pot brownies for Gosling once he wraps up this open and shut case because after all, Hopkins admitted to it.

Not so quick. It just so happens that Hopkins is rehashing Hannibal Lecter through manipulation and bare-knuckle head games. Oh, and the arresting officer was the one balling Hopkins’ wife. Ooooooooooh!

So Gosling made a bunch of dumpy girls swoon when he did The Notebook and he got nominated for an Oscar last year. He’s an up and comer—we’ve got it. Maybe I was just expecting a little more than a Silence of the Lambs rip-off minus the most interesting aspect: cannibalism. No, no. He ends up in a movie where the only possible emotional reaction you’ll get is anguish, because you won’t know whether to laugh at its seeming ridiculousness or cry because you just got screwed out of the better part of ten bucks. All I know is that I’ve had cases of constipation that were more moving.

 

 

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