Beast Banner April 2007
ISSUE #115
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Features

ArrowPresident Rubber vs. Speaker Glue
Pelosiís scarf and GOP barf

Allan Uthman

ArrowIn Defense of Ann Coulter?
Conservatives have a right to be assholes, just like real people

Paul Fallon

ArrowWithdrawal Symptoms
Iraq timetable’s a political fix

Matt Taibbi

ArrowJesus Christ!
People will believe anything

Ian Murphy

ArrowWhat, Me Worry?
Iranians aren’t scared of a U.S. attack

Russ Wellen

ArrowLandslide of Failure
The battle for election integrity is led by... the Governor of Florida?

Brad Friedman

ArrowDeregulation Killed my Cat
Food contamination: the Bush legacy

Allan Uthman

ArrowThe Whining Minority
Republican congressman turns from bully to baby

Matt Taibbi

ArrowIt's tax time again and I want to maul you
A.Rabid Dog

ArrowContradictum
Self-refuting quotations from the world of politics

ArrowBonobos vs. Chimps
A Debate for Lemur Philosophers

A. Monkey

Departments

ArrowThe Beast Page 3
Censored Chocolate Jesus

ArrowKino Korner: Movies
Are We Done Yet?, Grindhouse, Blades of Glory, Pride, Reign Over Me, The Lookout, The Reaping, Perfect Stranger, Vacancy, Fracture

ArrowBEAST-O-Scopes
As divined by your ethereal guide

Arrow[sic] - Letters
A Very Thin Hope, Classy, Mile High Club, Equal Rights Harassment, Kiwi Fruit and more

 

Kino Korner

 


Are We Done Yet? | Grindhouse | Blades of Glory | Pride
Reign Over Me | The Lookout | The Reaping
Perfect Stranger | Vacancy | Fracture


Grindhouse

If you haven’t seen the trailer for Grindhouse yet, the only words I can summon to describe it are preposterous fun. It’s two separate feature-length movies, one a zombie movie written and directed by Robert Rodriguez where the two main draws are Fergie from The Black-Eyed Peas getting killed and Rose McGowan losing a leg and replacing it with an M-16/grenade launcher combo. Oh, and zombies!

Things only get better, as the second feature is directed by Quentin Tarantino about a psychopathic stuntman/serial killer played by Kurt Russell, in yet another pseudo-comeback. Both features are a tribute/homage/nod/shout-out to ‘70s grindhouse exploitation cinema. As a bonus, Rodriguez and Tarantino made phony trailers to be played between the features. It’ll be just like going to the drive-in, except you can’t sneak your jerk friend and that hendgehog he’s sticking it to in your trunk. You also won’t be able to sneak two boxes of Pop Tarts, a case of beer, a fifth of vodka, a jar of Crisco, two fat joints and a tank of nitrous in. And if you get bored enough, there won’t be any windows around to fog up.

But it’s worth it considering you’re going to be able to see a new Tarantino and Rodriguez movie. For me, this is like meeting the two most beautiful women in the world, who happen to be best friends, and for some cracked out reason happen to find me interesting, funny and attractive. Even if you’ve been in that situation, you know you’ve got to choose like you’re on some flatulent ‘70s game show with horrid sets and a syphilitic, crispy-tanned host. But the beauty here is that you don’t have to choose, they want it at the same time and there’s no way in hell you could fuck it up. This is going to be more entertaining than that episode of Cheaters where the host got stabbed.

 

 

 

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