Beast Banner April 2007
ISSUE #115
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Features

ArrowPresident Rubber vs. Speaker Glue
Pelosiís scarf and GOP barf

Allan Uthman

ArrowIn Defense of Ann Coulter?
Conservatives have a right to be assholes, just like real people

Paul Fallon

ArrowWithdrawal Symptoms
Iraq timetable’s a political fix

Matt Taibbi

ArrowJesus Christ!
People will believe anything

Ian Murphy

ArrowWhat, Me Worry?
Iranians aren’t scared of a U.S. attack

Russ Wellen

ArrowLandslide of Failure
The battle for election integrity is led by... the Governor of Florida?

Brad Friedman

ArrowDeregulation Killed my Cat
Food contamination: the Bush legacy

Allan Uthman

ArrowThe Whining Minority
Republican congressman turns from bully to baby

Matt Taibbi

ArrowIt's tax time again and I want to maul you
A.Rabid Dog

ArrowContradictum
Self-refuting quotations from the world of politics

ArrowBonobos vs. Chimps
A Debate for Lemur Philosophers

A. Monkey

Departments

ArrowThe Beast Page 3
Censored Chocolate Jesus

ArrowKino Korner: Movies
Are We Done Yet?, Grindhouse, Blades of Glory, Pride, Reign Over Me, The Lookout, The Reaping, Perfect Stranger, Vacancy, Fracture

ArrowBEAST-O-Scopes
As divined by your ethereal guide

Arrow[sic] - Letters
A Very Thin Hope, Classy, Mile High Club, Equal Rights Harassment, Kiwi Fruit and more

 

Kino Korner

 


Are We Done Yet? | Grindhouse | Blades of Glory | Pride
Reign Over Me | The Lookout | The Reaping
Perfect Stranger | Vacancy | Fracture


Vacancy

A stream of consciousness review:

They’re lost Kate Beckinsale Luke Wilson car breaks down creepy perv shitty hotel room stack of tapes roach on the floor we’re all right.
Play a tape snuff film waitaminute that’s this room! Camera in the vent now I’m scared guys coming this way we’re trapped in here gunshot doors knocking let’s roll. Someone’s watching don’t go we stay we’re dead runningjumping lots of rats where are the cameras car won’t start they have the phones runlikehell.

Anyone who looks at Vacancy as something other than that is a damn fool. A damn fool! Seriously, Vacancy is just another suspense thriller: creepy in the sense that this is more likely to happen than anything involving Freddy or Jason. But there’s something I just don’t buy about a backwoods Bond villain with such a line of credit he could afford to hunt humans at a hidden hotel he owns. Must want to use that Rambo knife he always wanted but promised he’d get himself if he ever won the Powerball with some of the guys down at the lodge.

But that’s just me. I suppose if I had enough money I would buy an empty county, put up a few buildings and hunt some yuppies down there. Let some wild dogs run around down there, then eventually send some wild boar in. They get rotten in temperament; then you could feed them your enemies.

God, I need some sleep.

 

 

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