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DAS BOOT IN YOUR ASS
Oh really? We are too sensative to false terror attacks [“The Avalanche Threat,” issue 118] ? You mean like the one in Germany that was just stopped? The one that the German gov't said would be bigger than any before with the possible exception of 9-11? Looks like the timing of your article was poor....the proof is int eh pudding folks. We need to wake up and fight this fight so that we can truly move on.
You guys are just too good. Your topics, your logical analysis, the
scathing and sarcastic-to-the-bone language you use all makes up a bomb
of an article. Keeps me wondering if a Beast-after-Beast will at some
point in time lead to a revolution !! Keep doing it into them guys.
I like the sexually frustrated theory. Makes total sense at the biological
level. I agree with you that if a man does not get his love drink out
of his body within a week or so, we tend to get angry at the world like
a woman on her period.
KILL YOU! MUST KILL! AAAAAHHHH!
A SHARP ASSESSMENT
you need to be famous so you can explain to people in this country
why they are being such morons. the avalanche threat article was great.
Wait—we're not famous?
Michael Moore is an irrelevant fat ass [“Slippery When Wet,” issue 118]. Sicko was a flop compared to Fahrenheit and it's because everyone decided to look at the man behind the curtain. That man is nothing more than a blow hard who likes to give it but hates to take it.
You know, “man behind the curtain” implies a hidden person behind the scenes. Michael Moore narrates and stars in every movie he makes. How does it make any sense to call him that? Besides which, Moore received much more intense criticism for Fahrenheit 9/11, because jackasses like you get ornery when someone insults your Imperial Daddy. Also, a blowhard is someone who brags excessively—like Donald Trump, say. Are you getting all this, Pollack? So, aside from these nonsensical statements, you argue that Moore is fat, and that Sicko didn't sell as well as his last movie. We're going to go out on a limb here, and guess that you just don't like Moore because he's smarter than you. Probably better looking, too.
IT'S DARK UP MY ASS
I applaud you on your ingenious comeuppance of the intellect deficient
Ken Ham [“Let
There be Retards,” issue 117]. However, I must question your
use of the word "retard" to describe Mr. Ham. Would not "hottentot"
be a more fitting slur?
"retards like the zoo"
Watched Rocky last night just to see that quote. Laughed my ass off.
One of the funniest/true articles I've read in a long time. Best line: We were about to bear witness to a magnificent abortion of reason—and we were late. I’ve never felt more American in my life.
Simply amazing, keep it up.
HAM ON THE BARBIE
Dear Beast & Contributor Rich Miles,
firstly, why is Beast surprised Australians are dumber than Kentuckians? Rich, you seem the full quid.
I think the article, aimed at every half poached egg that ever dragged their knuckles on the planet, was not slamming the great state of Kenfetti so much as proving to the world that the country that gave us the 'Crocodile Hunter' has just reached a new low.
Cheers for the article, and chin up Rich.
No, no , no--nitwits- Why do you have to get so complicated about why Harris is popular [“Why is Sam Harris a Best-selling Atheist?” issue 116] None of the answers you come up with are right.
The truth is that many people have taken an interest in religion lately because they are bothered by the radicalism of Islam . Most books written by atheists are captivating at first but people just haven't got time to read and read and read to find out what the auther is saying, and the other authers always write huge long books. Sam Harris's books are shorter and to the point. People can understand what he's saying because they can take it in and not lose a lot of precious time.
Second, Harris himself is an attractive writer; an attractive person.
The same goes for politicians--the most appealing candidate gets the
most attention. It's simple---unfair , but human nature. Simple, simple
, and don't make a big arguement about it. Just like in business, what
sells is the most attractive thing. Business, candidates etc.
please note; 911 was an intel-op. see below for proof
SO OVER IT
I have noticed that you are no longer going after local politicos & general scumbags.
Is this because they have all cleaned up their act and no longer have anything for you to work with?
I have taken to picking up my copy of The Beast at my local liquer store (On The Rocks), and handing over my 2 bucks to be placed in an otherwise empty envelope.
We still have a mayor that you can convince that he is being considered for the lead role in the upcoming debut of an updated "Good Times"(Dyn-o-mite).
Anyway, I hope to find some scandalizing a little closer to home in future editions.
Keep up the good work,
Has anyone else noticed that John Rigas has this freaky Klaus Kinski
look in his eyes? All that's missing are the screeching monkeys.
With any luck, his eyes are even wider now that he's in the “pokey.” Good luck Rigas; guess you should have given more money to Republicans.
WHEN TAGGERS ATAK
I live south of the city, and whenever I come to buffalo, looking at the graffiti is one of the main attractions. I think there is more Atak, Hert and Jet pieces in this city than most people even realize. Most of them are on long forgotten freight cars, the sides of abandoned warehouses and buildings that are, well frankly, half destroyed. You know what one question everyone has forgotten to ask? What's so great about a drab gray concrete bridge pillar? Why do we cherish such blank, boring buildings? There is now public outcry when there is a graffiti piece done in an alleyway somewhere behind the bars on Chippewa. Take a look around. High unsolved murder rate, shootings every other day, arson, drugs, Unbelievably high TAXES! There are bigger problems. Our representatives lie and cheat and don't pay their taxes, let their wives run up expensive lunches on the expense account, and the people on Elmwood are saying oh, lets prosecute these kids. Rubbish.
But all the graffiti makes the city look like it's...poor or something! And that's just not true. After all, we're richer than a whopping one American city. Honestly, we'd be more inclined to defend these guys if they'd paint something interesting. The real forgotten question here is, “What's so great about writing your stupid name all over the place?” Seriously, give us something: stick figures, a smiley face, anything really.
I think Gildea should try something new. He could do a couple album reviews, for instance. That way he could write about a few things he likes and still shit on a few people.
I think it might do him a little good and I am interested in what he listens to.
On the other hand, Gildea does seem like the type of guy who wants to be depressed, so maybe someone else could do it.
Monkey can do his little book review, Gildea can review two-minute segments of movies, and someone else could do a little music review.
I need something more since you put out so few beasts. It would be nice and wouldn't force you to lose too much of the laziness you so love.
Just a thought.
EASIEST MARK EVER
In the article [“The Secret to Attaining Awesomeness,” issue 117] you made the following proposal:
“Visualize that you’re awesome.” Because you are. Also visualize sending me $9.95 to receive a certificate stating: “Cleopatra agrees: ‘I’m totally awesome.’ ”
I have visualized all of the above, however to complete the transaction
I require an address to which I will send the required $9.95. As hard
as I try to visualize, I for some reason can't visualize your address,
please help. Also this requires an urgent response as I wish to apply
for a new job in the near future and would very much like to include
a certificate of awesomeness as one of my life's accomplishments. Thank
Okay then, send the money to:
And we'll uh... print something up for you.
My name is Bryan Barash and I'm a 24 year old marketing professional from Long Island, NY. Please consider publishing this small piece I have written, which I feel will help clarify the question of experience in the Presidential campaign for people who may not be well informed:
"I think it's worth noting, and this gets left out often, that Senator Obama has held elected office for longer than either Senator Clinton or former Senator Edwards, he was just a state Senator for much of that time.
As a state Senator, he worked more closely with the people and their day to day problems. He also taught constitutional law and worked as a community organizer to help those who were disenfranchised. Who better than a professor of constitutional law to restore Habeas Corpus and our rights to not be spied on without a warrant. He has championed open government, ethics reform, and campaign finance reform throughout his whole public life, and was made the point man on ethics in the Senate in his first year. And he is the only candidate to have the foresight to be against the war from the beginning.
Now, you tell me who really has better experience for leading this country? I think the answer is clear..."
Thanks for taking the time to consider my request. I hope to hear from you about whether you plan to use this small piece or not. If there is anything else you need from me, or if you would like me to provide sources for the facts presented in my argument, I will gladly oblige.
FELT COOL ONCE
Thanks for needed belly laugh. Your work is masterful --
Are you f-er"s still out there, I know I am computer iliterate but the web issue is from april, should I subscrie, or are you selling us swamp land in florida! ? Is that buffao adress foney & why the hell dont you have a G.D. phone # for subscription, get with it already, we are trying to give you some money for an f-ing order & you dont even have a decent way to be contacted! A-holes! Please e-mail me back if you idiots exist, so I can start paying for something I used to get for free!, You may have a good " paper" but Dammmm, thanks alot you dweebs. You lowlifes are my kind of people.
WTF you stopped shipping your issues to frankie's donuts in NF. I'm
leaving to go on the road for a year and you have already deprived me
of 2 issues (likely 3 but we'll only count since the last drop). Come
pick up your six or eight bucks there and drop off the next issue. The
old men there love to berate your shit and it's honestly the only thing
giving them meaning.
It's been a while since you guys announced the bitchy Mayor Scorpio's attempt to disbar Paul Fallon.
I thought that you guys would update us with more information about what happened, but as of yet I haven't seen or heard anything from any media venue about what the hell is happening.
Has anything happened to the Evil Publisher and indicted accomplice to a hilarious gag? Or is the legal process even more ridiculously slow than I think it?
Finally bothering to ask
P.S. I think the nightlite you gave Gullerstein last issue burned out, the 'scopes were out of order.
UNIVERSITY OF FEE-NICKS
Hey, how come you guys don't do an expose on the education industry in the Buffalo area?
Next to big oil, banking, and pharmaceuticals, these arrogant parasites have a sellers market with echo boomer kids ready to shell out their parents' hard earned 529 plans.
By the way, you guys have a temp job for me? I'm semi-literate having
been educated outside of this country. (An advanced degree from UB
just doesn't cut it, man. The education industry's a sham!)
The following appeared on the Buffalo News website, I didn't see the paper itself but it looks like it's the opinion of the newspaper. The piece is about the Bass Pro store.
"Calculations are that the store would also generate some $3 million a year in sales taxes, as well as draw other businesses that would also help fill the public till."
I want to point out, by way of simple math, that the store, assuming it is ever built, would need to have sales of around 33 million dollars a year. This works out to roughly $690,000 per week in retail sales or almost
100,000 dollars a day. This should strike anyone familiar with downtown
Buffalo as absurd on its face.
DISPLACES MUCH WATER
Re: Billy Fuccillo
We are really catching it here in Rochester with Billy's unending ads. I am so grateful for your telling the truth about this obnoxious bully whois stressing people out in the most insensitive way. Right on!
send your ill-informed ravings to us here
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