Beast Banner October 2007
ISSUE #120
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Features

ArrowThis BEAST in Science
Our guide to mind-boggling presidential illusions! You won't believe your eyes!

ArrowGhostbusters
Democrats cross streams in Turkey
Allan Uthman

ArrowYear of the Rat
A campaign 2008 diary
Matt Taibbi

ArrowAll About the Benjamin
Canada boots CodePink leader
Ian Murphy

ArrowDuh, Hillary is a Woman
The inevitable vadge in chief
A Monkey

ArrowCritical Massimo
A chat with Massimo Pigliucci, godless heathen

ArrowSo Sleazy an Ad Man can do It
The evolution of product placement
Steve Gordon

ArrowParty Poopers
Rehab for Grand Old Perverts
Rich Herschlag

ArrowSome Brief Thoughts on Abortion
Proffesor H. T. Muttonchops

ArrowInterview with Ron Hawkins
Lowest of the Low frontman is surprisingly un-stupid

BREAKING NEWS:

ArrowPastor John Hagee Launched on Iranian Nuclear Facility

ArrowBritney Spears' Mitochondria Descended from Bacteria

ArrowDan Jumbo Threatens Local Wildlife

Departments

ArrowThe Beast Page 5
Freaky Sci-fi Reality

ArrowKino Kwikees: Movie Trailer Reviews

ArrowActual Movie Review: The Darjeeling Limited
Matt Cale

ArrowBEAST-O-Scopes
Your completely accurate horoscope

[sic] - Letters

 

The BEAST Page 5 Freaky Sci-Fi Reality

Name: Robotic Insect Spy

Turn-ons: Arthropods, winged flight, the war on terror, warrantless surveillance, Isaac Asimov's laws of robotics, freaking out peace activists and the iPod Mini.

Turn-offs: The conspicuously large vintage microphones Glenn Beck hides behind on TV, fly swatters, DDT, analog, and pre-9/11 thinking.

How I got to be The BEAST Page 5 Freaky Sci-Fi Reality: Nobody's sure really. No government agency has owned up to my existence, but I've been spotted recently haunting the skies above peace protests in DC and New York. The CIA started with dragonfly prototypes in the '70s, and since then, I can neither confirm, nor deny the freaky-ass evolution of robotic insect surveillance.

Future plans: Well, the sky's the limit for me, so to speak. I plan on a long career of automated snooping for the Department of Homeland Security, both at home and abroad. After that I'll probably retire to Boca, maybe do some consulting with the New England Patriots.

How I'd like to be remembered: As the proud ancestor of a distant race of Christian cyborgs which enslave humanity, and increase the global standard of living. That, and as one of freakiest things you've ever seen.

 

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