Fuck the whales, save the BEAST - Donate now!

The BEAST Page 5 Freaky Sci-Fi Reality

Name: Robotic Insect Spy

Turn-ons: Arthropods, winged flight, the war on terror, warrantless surveillance, Isaac Asimov's laws of robotics, freaking out peace activists and the iPod Mini.

Turn-offs: The conspicuously large vintage microphones Glenn Beck hides behind on TV, fly swatters, DDT, analog, and pre-9/11 thinking.

How I got to be The BEAST Page 5 Freaky Sci-Fi Reality: Nobody's sure really. No government agency has owned up to my existence, but I've been spotted recently haunting the skies above peace protests in DC and New York. The CIA started with dragonfly prototypes in the '70s, and since then, I can neither confirm, nor deny the freaky-ass evolution of robotic insect surveillance.

Future plans: Well, the sky's the limit for me, so to speak. I plan on a long career of automated snooping for the Department of Homeland Security, both at home and abroad. After that I'll probably retire to Boca, maybe do some consulting with the New England Patriots.

How I'd like to be remembered: As the proud ancestor of a distant race of Christian cyborgs which enslave humanity, and increase the global standard of living. That, and as one of freakiest things you've ever seen.