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Burnt Toast
Resembles Prince, Prince to Sue Toast
 LOS
ANGELES—After a recent row with fans over the unauthorized use of
his image on websites, Prince has again gone on the offensive, threatening
legal action on a piece of burnt toast, which some say bears his likeness.
“That toast ain’t nobody,” Prince squealed from behind
a velvet-wrapped podium at a Beverly Hills press conference yesterday.
“It’s just using my image to make something of itself, trying
to get itself a little attention, make a little money, but that toast
ain’t nobody special. That toast ain’t no Prince, baby.”
“I think he’s lost his mind,” counters Beverly Smith,
the California lawyer hired to represent the toast. “It does look
like Prince,” admits Smith, “but you can’t sue a piece
of burned bread. There is no legal precedent.” The toast itself
has declined to comment on its ongoing feud with the pop star.
In response to Smith and other critics, Prince plans to embarrass the
toast with a thoroughly funky musical dis. “That toast won’t
know what hit it,” Prince cooed in a high-pitched falsetto. “I’m
gonna be all ‘Bow, chicka, chicka, bow, wow, chick—oooo, baby,
damn!”—and that’s were the horns come in trilling between
C and C sharp, that’s also where that nobody toast learns a real
life lesson: don’t mess with Prince, baby.”
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