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Run, Fatboy, Run

Stop, Simon Pegg, stop! The only thing worse than a romantic comedy is a British romantic comedy. Simon Pegg takes time off from the spoof movies he’s famous for such as Shaun of the Dead and Hot Fuzz to play some douchetard who left the allegedly hot and pregnant (the pregnant part is more factual than the hot part) Thandie Newton at the altar some years ago. She’s marrying Hank Azaria now and Pegg suddenly wants Newton back. Oh, and since Pegg’s a shitty human being, Azaria is of course on the precipice of sainthood, making it all the harder for Pegg to make amends, wipe the slate clean and get Newton back.

I don’t know what to say. I really don’t know what to say. Maybe this is a testament to my disability, maybe I’m getting lazy, maybe I’ve finally had it. I don’t know. But I just don’t know how many ways I can say something sucks and it looks like shit. I could make fun of Simon Pegg, and despite the fact that I laughed a few times during Shaun of the Dead, he’s creepy as all red-headed men are and he looks like a child molester. I could say that Thandie Newton looks like the female man from The Crying Game, except not as Prince-like. I could say that I wouldn’t be surprised if she had a dick. You want me to say that? Would you like that? I could mention that I’m surprised that Hank Azaria is still alive, let alone working. In movies. I could say that. Because, you know, I am. I’m very surprised.

Next: Stop-Loss

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