Beast Banner April 2008
ISSUE #125
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Features

ArrowThe Icewoman Cometh
An actual BEAST report from Ohio
Ian Murphy & Paul Jones

ArrowLast Tangle in Persia
This time, it's demented
Allan Uthman

ArrowCastle of the Darned
Embracing your inner orc
Michael J. Smith

ArrowStop Blaming Ralph
The Nadir of Democratic Credibility
Allison Kilkenny

ArrowThank Heaven for 7-11
Democracy rots from the inside out as a nation of telemarketers and war criminals parties on amid the stench
Joe Bageant

ArrowTriumph of the White Man
"We win again!"
Stan Goff

ArrowApathy Victorious in Iraq!
Millions of Americans Indifferent
Steve Gordon

Faux-tures

ArrowFrom the desks of Alan Schwartz, CEO of Bear Sterns and James Dimon, Chief Executive of JP Morgan
A joint message of hope

ArrowBEAST '08 Presidential Campaign Issue Cards
Play them, or be accused of it anyway!

ArrowThe Wright Stuff
The true story behind Obama's pastor problem
Allan Uthman

ArrowThe BEAST Field Guide to Endangered Voters
Know your demographic strata!

ArrowThe BEAST Campaign Cliché Top 20
Which lazy metaphors are hitting this month?

ArrowA Final Farewell
I'm in a more appropriate place
William F. Buckley Jr.

ArrowThis Just In: You're a Jackass
A Personal News Exclusive
Stone Rockman

ArrowTop 10 Signs the U.S. Economy is Collapsing
Leading indicators of your financial ruin

Departments

ArrowThe Beast Page 5
Disturbing Senatorial Neck Bulge

ArrowKino Kwikees: Movie Trailer Reviews

ArrowBEAST-O-Scopes
Your completely accurate horoscope

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88 Minutes

Oh Jesus. How many times have you seen this one before? Some lunatic serial killer is thrown in jail based on the testimony of a forensic psychiatrist and somehow said wackadoo is playing some drawn out and banal cat and mouse game—from his prison cell! And in an effort to make things less… shitty and boring, that psychiatrist is also a college professor with plenty of eager young students who seem all too willing to get sucked into a less than mediocre script. The kind of script that will only leave you on the edge of your seat if your ass falls asleep.

Al Pacino plays the leathery psychiatrist/professor, and the nutjob sets up some kind of elaborate screw-job, framing Pacino for the murder of some girl he was diddling. Oh, and some disguised voice that might be the killer from Scream 1, 2, or 3 keeps telling him he’s got so many minutes to live. It starts with 88 for some reason, then down to 79, then, well, you get the idea. And the lunatic’s guy on the outside might be one of Pacino’s students who was on The OC.

Yeah, so the whole thing’s really trite and getting through the preview for 88 Minutes in itself was a chore. It’s trite in that way that hanging out with an ex is trite. You know, when you break up and you make that obligatory I hope we can still be friends remark. Then they say you don’t mean it and the only reason you hang out with them is so you don’t look like a dick. And you’d rather be trying to get with someone else instead of hearing about how hard it is for your ex to be alone and how much they miss being with you and can it get any worse than this?

By the way, if you really want to see yet another faux-suspenseful “real time thriller” after suffering through that crap Phone Booth movie and “24,” keep in mind this movie isn’t exactly new. It saw a limited release in 2006, is available on DVD in Europe and can easily be downloaded on the internet for free.

Next: The Forbidden Kingdom
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More Trailer Reviews:
Leatherheads
Nim's Island
Prom Night
Forgetting Sarah Marshall
Baby Mama
Harold & Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay
Street Kings

 



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