Beast Banner April 2008
ISSUE #125
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ArrowThe Icewoman Cometh
An actual BEAST report from Ohio
Ian Murphy & Paul Jones

ArrowLast Tangle in Persia
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ArrowCastle of the Darned
Embracing your inner orc
Michael J. Smith

ArrowStop Blaming Ralph
The Nadir of Democratic Credibility
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ArrowThank Heaven for 7-11
Democracy rots from the inside out as a nation of telemarketers and war criminals parties on amid the stench
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ArrowTriumph of the White Man
"We win again!"
Stan Goff

ArrowApathy Victorious in Iraq!
Millions of Americans Indifferent
Steve Gordon


ArrowFrom the desks of Alan Schwartz, CEO of Bear Sterns and James Dimon, Chief Executive of JP Morgan
A joint message of hope

ArrowBEAST '08 Presidential Campaign Issue Cards
Play them, or be accused of it anyway!

ArrowThe Wright Stuff
The true story behind Obama's pastor problem
Allan Uthman

ArrowThe BEAST Field Guide to Endangered Voters
Know your demographic strata!

ArrowThe BEAST Campaign Cliché Top 20
Which lazy metaphors are hitting this month?

ArrowA Final Farewell
I'm in a more appropriate place
William F. Buckley Jr.

ArrowThis Just In: You're a Jackass
A Personal News Exclusive
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ArrowTop 10 Signs the U.S. Economy is Collapsing
Leading indicators of your financial ruin


ArrowThe Beast Page 5
Disturbing Senatorial Neck Bulge

ArrowKino Kwikees: Movie Trailer Reviews

Your completely accurate horoscope

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Harold & Kumar Escape From Guantanamo Bay

I’ve only seen a teaser trailer that lasted less than a minute for Harold and Kumar Escape From Guantanamo Bay so I’ve basically got shit to go on. Harold and Kumar are apparently picking up where they left off at the end of the first one—going to Amsterdam to find that chick that Harold was into and smoke some sweet, sweet cheeba.

Plans get thwarted when their questionable heritage freaks out some uppity Republican and gets the “let’s roll”scene from United 93 recreated without the plane crash. Judging by the title they end up in Guantanamo Bay, and going by the end of the trailer, Neil Patrick Harris is going to rescue them.

Since the makers of this movie didn’t strike while the iron was hot and I’m already sick of Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle, I’ll start asking around the office if someone downloaded it already. I’m sure Neil Patrick Harris will get loaded on ecstasy again, but he’ll probably have a carload of naked guys in it this time.

Next: Street Kings
More Trailer Reviews:
Nim's Island
Prom Night
88 Minutes
The Forbidden Kingdom
Forgetting Sarah Marshall

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