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ISSUE #125
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Features

ArrowThe Icewoman Cometh
An actual BEAST report from Ohio
Ian Murphy & Paul Jones

ArrowLast Tangle in Persia
This time, it's demented
Allan Uthman

ArrowCastle of the Darned
Embracing your inner orc
Michael J. Smith

ArrowStop Blaming Ralph
The Nadir of Democratic Credibility
Allison Kilkenny

ArrowThank Heaven for 7-11
Democracy rots from the inside out as a nation of telemarketers and war criminals parties on amid the stench
Joe Bageant

ArrowTriumph of the White Man
"We win again!"
Stan Goff

ArrowApathy Victorious in Iraq!
Millions of Americans Indifferent
Steve Gordon

Faux-tures

ArrowFrom the desks of Alan Schwartz, CEO of Bear Sterns and James Dimon, Chief Executive of JP Morgan
A joint message of hope

ArrowBEAST '08 Presidential Campaign Issue Cards
Play them, or be accused of it anyway!

ArrowThe Wright Stuff
The true story behind Obama's pastor problem
Allan Uthman

ArrowThe BEAST Field Guide to Endangered Voters
Know your demographic strata!

ArrowThe BEAST Campaign Cliché Top 20
Which lazy metaphors are hitting this month?

ArrowA Final Farewell
I'm in a more appropriate place
William F. Buckley Jr.

ArrowThis Just In: You're a Jackass
A Personal News Exclusive
Stone Rockman

ArrowTop 10 Signs the U.S. Economy is Collapsing
Leading indicators of your financial ruin

Departments

ArrowThe Beast Page 5
Disturbing Senatorial Neck Bulge

ArrowKino Kwikees: Movie Trailer Reviews

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Leatherheads

Let’s see—George Clooney starring and directing in a period piece comedy about the game of football in the 1920s, right before it became legitimate. In other words, a comedy about the death of football. Nice, nice. I’m with you so far. Clooney’s had a spotless record in the director’s chair, and in general I like his style. Jim from “The Office”is also in it and he’s pretty likable too. Clooney’s the old guard football legend and Jim from “The Office”is the new blood brought in to shake things up.

But the upper decker gets left in the toilet known as Leatherheads when Renee Zellweger’s mangy face shows up as a fledgling journalist that Clooney and Jim from “The Office”fight over. Zelleweger always looks like she got shot in the ass with a .22 right before she ate a lemon and got punched in the face by a Truman Capote impersonator. She married Kenny Chesney for crissakes! A grown man named Kenny! A country music star who doesn’t believe in sleeves. And she’s from Texas and not even Austin. I could get past it if she was from Austin, but she’s not.

How and why the hell could two guys fight over Renee Zellweger? I could see fighting another guy over the last Mountain Dew, leftover pizza, the remote control before “American Idol,” jury duty, a set of bald tires, Karl Malden’s nose, lavender gum, black licorice, generic absinthe, ANYTHING but Renee Zellweger. Casting Zellweger as a woman to be fought over is like sticking Amy Winehouse in a D.A.R.E commercial.

Obvious eyesore aside, it looks like Clooney might be trying to get back to the quick, sharp and witty style of slapstick comedy from the Golden Age of Hollywood with Leatherheads. And that’s cool, but the last time Clooney was in a movie that attempted to hearken back to yesteryear we ended up with The Good German. If it was called The Mediocre German or even The Lackluster German I wouldn’t have been so disappointed.

Next: Nim's Island
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More Trailer Reviews:
Prom Night
88 Minutes
The Forbidden Kingdom
Forgetting Sarah Marshall
Baby Mama
Harold & Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay
Street Kings

 



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