Beast Banner April 2008
ISSUE #125
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ArrowThe Icewoman Cometh
An actual BEAST report from Ohio
Ian Murphy & Paul Jones

ArrowLast Tangle in Persia
This time, it's demented
Allan Uthman

ArrowCastle of the Darned
Embracing your inner orc
Michael J. Smith

ArrowStop Blaming Ralph
The Nadir of Democratic Credibility
Allison Kilkenny

ArrowThank Heaven for 7-11
Democracy rots from the inside out as a nation of telemarketers and war criminals parties on amid the stench
Joe Bageant

ArrowTriumph of the White Man
"We win again!"
Stan Goff

ArrowApathy Victorious in Iraq!
Millions of Americans Indifferent
Steve Gordon


ArrowFrom the desks of Alan Schwartz, CEO of Bear Sterns and James Dimon, Chief Executive of JP Morgan
A joint message of hope

ArrowBEAST '08 Presidential Campaign Issue Cards
Play them, or be accused of it anyway!

ArrowThe Wright Stuff
The true story behind Obama's pastor problem
Allan Uthman

ArrowThe BEAST Field Guide to Endangered Voters
Know your demographic strata!

ArrowThe BEAST Campaign Cliché Top 20
Which lazy metaphors are hitting this month?

ArrowA Final Farewell
I'm in a more appropriate place
William F. Buckley Jr.

ArrowThis Just In: You're a Jackass
A Personal News Exclusive
Stone Rockman

ArrowTop 10 Signs the U.S. Economy is Collapsing
Leading indicators of your financial ruin


ArrowThe Beast Page 5
Disturbing Senatorial Neck Bulge

ArrowKino Kwikees: Movie Trailer Reviews

Your completely accurate horoscope

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Street Kings

Have you ever wondered what Training Day would’ve been like if Denzel Washington’s character was white? Neither have I, but the very question that never entered your mind for a second is about to be answered!

The trailer for Street Kings gives us a mish-mash of LA gang culture featuring really tough cops (how do I know they’re tough? Because Keanu Reeves is one of them, motherfucker! And he moves and jumps over a refrigerator to take down a dude!) taking on some really bad gang members (how do I know they’re bad? Because they’re played by rappers and they’ve got facial tattoos, motherfucker!) by any muthafuckin’ means necessary, bitch!

Oooh. Listen to me. This trailer for Street Kings is infectious!

If that’s not enough street cred for you, Forrest Whitaker, his lazy eye, the guy that plays "House," Common, The Game, and Cedric The Not So Much of an Entertainer also star. And it’s directed by the guy who wrote Training Day. Oh wait, I see why this movie looks so much like Training Day. Duh. I can only presume there’s some kind of a plot if "House" is in it.

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More Trailer Reviews:
Nim's Island
Prom Night
88 Minutes
The Forbidden Kingdom
Baby Mama
Harold & Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay

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