"Totally coup, yo."

13 Days To Go




This shit is almost over with.

Obama and Romney hug it out, bitch.

Holy fuck shit am I sick of this election.

All of it, just all of it. The pointless debates, the endless pontificating by overpaid TV blowhards, the fact that Romney and Ryan can lie their fucking asses off, and no one in the media will call them on it, and if they do, they’ll write it off as no big deal, because apparently asking our politicians for accountability is like, sooooooo 1974….

Actually, let’s keep a running list of everything about this election that makes me want to punch a fucking hole through a wall.

1. Mitt Romney might actually become President.

2. Romney blatantly saying that not only does he not care about poor people, but that he actively resents them somehow didn’t kill his campaign.

3. Obama performing poorly in a debate in which Romney changed his positions on just about everything somehow damaged his campaign more than Romney’s “fuck the poor” comments hurt him.

4. Even though Obama is extremely weak on civil liberties, and basically has continued all of the evil shit Bush did, he’s still much better than the other candidate, because you know, at least he thinks gay people are human beings. As soon as the poll numbers told him he should.

5. The media just accepts Romney’s flip flops as well as his disregard for anyone who isn’t rich as part of who he is, and doesn’t challenge it much. How has no one gone Howard Beale on this fuckstick yet?

6. Obama kicked Romney’s ass in two out of the three debates, and yet, Romney still got the huge poll bounce from the first one. Just to be clear, not saying Obama is even close to an ideal president, but he did win the last two, and it just doesn’t seem fair.

7. The House will still be Republican no matter what happens, which means the best case scenario is Obama wins and nothing gets done, while the worst case scenario is Romney wins and the only way poor people can make any extra cash is by starring in a cheap Honey Boo Boo knock off.

8. Roseanne Barr is running for President, and she actually might be the best choice.

9. Despite the fantasies of most liberals, a second Obama term won’t mean that gay marriage and weed are suddenly legal. He has neither courage, nor the capability to make that happen. Really, all it would do is stop the consequences of an even-worse Romney administration.

10. If Romney wins, all it would take is Ginsberg or Kennedy croaking for abortion to be outlawed. I’m sure Pat Robertson is praying mighty hard!

I’m sure there’s plenty of other things, but let’s just leave it at that. I’ve often heard people call this the most important election in history, which is a load of shit, because they say the same thing every four years, and it’s nothing more than a cheap ploy to trick dullards whose eyes are constantly glued to 16 And Pregnant to get to the polls. It means nothing. This is, however, the most depressing election of my lifetime. An election where the guy who fails to close Guantanamo, and continues torturing people, and signed a bill saying he can declare anyone an enemy combatant and lock them up without trial at any time is somehow the better choice, because the other guy might be the least pleasant human being to ever walk the earth. At least it’s all over in 13 days. Then, I can just focus on hockey. Oh wait….

Talk me into voting for your fringe third-party candidate on Twitter!

  • RobThomas

    Bush tax cuts expire at the end of this year. That’s right, Republicans. The socialist, wealth spreading Obama that you claim has ruined the country with his taxation has taxed Americans not a red cent more than George W. Bush. But who has time for facts when we have a black muslim in the white house? So, if Romney wins, and with a Republican congress you’ll likely see an expansion of the Bush tax cuts, giving the rich even bigger cuts. Democrats in the senate could stop it, but we know the track record in recent history of the Democrats and their lack of balls. Thousands of dead Iraqi civilians know it, too. If Obama wins, however, Republicans, at least so far, are threatening “taxegeddon” when the Bush tax cuts expire. Who knows what this means? Anyhow, one way or another, if Obama wins, we should be going back to the progressive tax code we had in the 1990s, when the worst problem we had in America was a president’s adultery. And boy bands. And kids shooting up high schools. And dead civilians in Yugoslavia. And poverty. And hunger. And severe weather patterns caused by global warming. AIDS. And, yes, boy bands. But with Romney, you add probably a certain war with Iran to those things, and vastly increasing gap between the rich and poor. It’s a choice between pretty well fucked, and certainly fucked! As it’s always been, I guess.

  • Jeff

    Poor people don’t “make” extra cash now. They sit around waiting for it, thats why theyre poor to begin with, they’re lazy. (there’s obviously exceptions to every rule, I’m speaking about the majority of them)

    • Poor person

      Ergo, by the transitive property, 1/1 persons named Jeff is a fucking jackass.

  • jimbag

    Most depressing of your lifetime? You must have been born in 2005.

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