Beast Banner December 2008
ISSUE #133
Issue 122 Cover Small
Last Issue Archives Blog Comix
Web BEAST Blog
 
Contact Download PDF RSS Subscribe Advertise

Our stomach growl in anticipation of your generosity.

Features

ArrowA PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT FROM THE READERS OF THE NEW YORK TIMES
You need to be more like us

ArrowTHE GREAT SHAME
Bush's legacy is our failure

Allan Uthman

ArrowA MILLION LITTLE PUNDITS
Memoirs of a fake political junkie
Ian Murphy

ArrowBACK TO THE FUTILE
Guess those old politics aren't so bad after all
Anchor Downs

ArrowRACE TO THE CABINET
Gentlemen, start your speculations
Steve Gordon

ArrowSTUPID, or HOW TO LOSE MONEY RUNNING A SPEED LAB
Part Too: Bongo Burger
John Dolan

ArrowTHE 25th YEAR AFTER
The nuclear winter of our discontent
Alexander Zaitchik

ArrowWE WON & THAT'S NOT A PANDA
My Epiphany in the No-Spin Zone
Allison Kilkenny

ArrowDULLEMITE
How to make fun of a black president
Ian Murphy

ArrowSMARTISTS FOR OBAMA
Fear of a Barack Planet
Michael J. Smith

ArrowTHE *TRUTH* ABOUT HUSSEIN OBAMA
Coming soon to an inbox near you
Eric Lingenfelter

Departments

ArrowThe Beast Page 5
Menacing Anachronism

ArrowWaxy Beast: Music Reviews
by Eric Lingenfelter

ArrowKino Kwikees: Movie Trailer Reviews
by Michael Gildea

ArrowInsano-Scopes!
Your completely accurate horoscope, expressed cryptically in the form of the stupidest election-related lines we’ve read all month!

[sic] - Your letters

 

THE BEAST PAGE 5 MENACING ANACHRONISM

Name: Somali Pirate

Turn-ons: Booty, hostages, parrots, giant oil tankers.

Turn-offs: Indian gunships, Johnny Depp, people who say “arrrr” when they meet us.

How I got to be The BEAST PAGE 5 MENACING ANACHRONISM: Well, it’s like this: Somalia has had 14 new governments since 1991. It’s pretty much anarchy. There are no jobs, no prospects. Basically, if you’re an ambitious young Somali, there’s no chance of becoming a rapper or a basketball star. Piracy is pretty much it. It’s kind of cool, too, you have to admit.

Future Plans: We’ll be cruising the high seas, taking your stuff, and occasionally humping each other without thinking of it as gay.

How I’d like to be remembered: As the most historically incongruous danger to make the news this century, until the 2013 dirigible wars.



send your ill-informed ravings to us here
Affiliate Sponsors
MotoSport, Inc.|Netflix DVD Rentals. NO LATE FEES; Free Shipping. Try for FREE! | music123.com | Direct2Drive
T-Shirts only $14.99 when you buy 3 or more at CCS.com | Shutterfly.com | LinkShare Referral Prg
© Copyright 2002-2008, The Beast. All rights reserved.