Beast Banner December 2008
ISSUE #133
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Think of us as the Goldman Sachs of humor.

 

Bail Out The BEAST!
As we all know, the political satire industry has long been one of the most important sectors in the U.S. economy. As a vital part of this industry that employs several, The BEAST is (comically speaking) too big to fail. Unfortunately, The BEAST finds itself dangerously over-leveraged in the credit default swap market. Obviously, our quasi-journalistic endeavors are vital to our nation’s continued prosperity, and it is up to the American people to extend a helping hand.

What we need is a financial bridge through the coming crisis. However, the fat cats in Washington are dragging their heels, just because we flew in separate Lear jets to our congressional bailout hearing. It’s time for the American people—you—to take matters into your own hands. With a new President to scorn and deride, and a groundswell of public resentment to exploit, America needs The BEAST now more than ever. Subscribe or donate now, and help avert the major comedic catastrophe that would inevitably follow a BEAST collapse. The first one to donate one billion dolars or more gets a free T-shirt!

Issue 133: December
A PSA FROM THE READERS OF THE NEW YORK TIMES
You need to be more like us
 

SMARTISTS FOR OBAMA
Fear of a Barack Planet
Michael J. Smith

DULLEMITE
How to make fun of a black president
Ian Murphy
THE GREAT SHAME
Bush's legacy is our failure

Allan Uthman
 

A MILLION LITTLE PUNDITS
Memoirs of a fake political junkie
Ian Murphy

WE WON & THAT'S NOT A PANDA
My Epiphany in the No-Spin Zone
Allison Kilkenny
BACK TO THE FUTILE
Guess those old politics aren't so bad after all
Anchor Downs
RACE TO THE CABINET
Gentlemen, start your speculations
Steve Gordon
THE *TRUTH* ABOUT HUSSEIN OBAMA
Coming soon to an inbox near you
Eric Lingenfelter
THE 25th YEAR AFTER
The nuclear winter of our discontent
Alexander Zaitchik
STUPID, or HOW TO LOSE MONEY RUNNING A SPEED LAB
Part Too: Bongo Burger
John Dolan
The Beast Page 5
Menacing Anachronism
Kino Kwikees: Movie Trailer Reviews
Michael Gildea
Waxy Beast: Music Reviews By Eric Lingenfelter

Insano-Scopes!
Your horoscope, in the form of the stupidest things said all month!

[sic] - Letters from our esteemed readers!    

Note: This parody ad seems to have struck a chord. If you're going to print it out, download this PDF.
If you want to reprint it in another publication, e-mail aluthman[at]buffalobeast.com.

Other Stuff
The BEAST 50 Most Loathsome People of 2007
Now 30% more subjective! 
ARE YOU A REAL AMERICAN?
Take our quiz and find out!
Let There Be Retards
Ian Murphy's "Special Time" at the Creation Museum in Kentucky. Sure to enrage anyone who is religious or just has sympathy for the mentally challenged. With video of our stealth "interview" with anti-science lunatic Ken Ham.
The BEAST Guide to Mind-boggling Presidential Illusions You won't believe your candidate!
 

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