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ISSUE #136
 
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If Obama's a socialist, why are we broke?

Features

ArrowDR. STRANGELOVE EXPAINS THE ISRAEL LOBBY

Arrow GIVE ME IDIOCY OR GIVE ME DEATH (WEB EXCLUSIVE!)
Ian Murphy attends a local teabagging

ArrowONE LUMP OR TWO?
Fake Fascism & Phony Outrage
Allan Uthman

ArrowPHILOSOPHER JOHN R. SEARLE STOOPS TO OUR LEVEL

ArrowSTUPID, or HOW TO LOSE MONEY RUNNING A SPEED LAB
Part 5: Back to Berkeley for the Big Epiphany
John Dolan

ArrowCREDIBILITY DEFAULT SWAP
Obama: The best pitchman Goldman Sachs ever had
Matt Taibbi

ArrowTHE LORD CLOWN HAS RISEN!
A Beaster Miracle!
Ian Murphy

ArrowBEST NEWS CHANNEL IN THE WORLD
You should watch AlJazeera English, but you can't
Anchor Downs

ArrowBLACKBEARD BLOWBACK
As fun as shooting pirates is, it may not be smart
Allison Kilkenny

ArrowA NEW OR GENTLY USED ECONOMY
11common sense ways to beat the recession

ArrowPARANORMAL ESTATE
Money tight? Make up some stuff about ghosts
Eileen Jones

Departments

ArrowThe Beast Page 5
Unintentionally Hilarious Metaphor

ArrowWaxy Beast: Music Reviews
by Eric Lingenfelter

ArrowKino Kwikees: Movie Trailer Reviews
by Michael Gildea

ArrowBEAST-O-SCOPES!
Your completely accurate horoscope

[sic] - Your letters

 

The BEAST Page 5 Unintentionally Hilarious Metaphor

Name: Teabags

Turn-ons: Angry white mobs, wasting tea, inordinate press coverage, corporate sponsorship.

Turn-offs: Historical accuracy, economic accuracy, accuracy of any sort, uppity half-black elitist secret Muslim commie fascist non-citizen presidents.

How I got to be The BEAST Page 5 Unintentionally Hilarious Metaphor: Frankly, itís embarrassing. I mean, the whole taxation with/without representation thing notwithstanding, or the fact that taxes havenít been raised, or the fact that this crowd of morons canít possibly be making over 250 grand, did they really have to name their little tantrums after a lewd sexual act?† This was the least successful party Iíve seen since Susan Atkins showed up at Sharon Tateís house.

Future Plans: Iím hoping to go back to being a refreshing beverage and nothing more. Iíd appreciate it if people could stop using me as a metaphor altogetherófor phony tax protests or testicular gobbling. Not sure which is worse, really.†

How Iíd like to be remembered: If thereís any justice, Iíll live this down. I mean, it wasnít my idea. Iím no racistóIím Indian for Vishnuís sake!



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