|
Halliburton:Corporate Evil by Allan Uthman Axis of Stupid Gains a New Member Perfect World News: Sports: Music: Baby Steps' Review Cubby - Hip-Hop |
Electoral Sodomy...It's Your Ass
You’re all a bunch of pussies. All of you people who sit
there watching C-SPAN at night thinking to yourselves, “I fucking hate George Bush! I want that rat
bastard tied naked to a cactus in the Mojave Desert with his balls
dipped in maple syrup upwind from an anthill!” I know there are
lots of you just throwing shit at the television when he comes on
the local news at 11 o’clock. You’re the same sniveling,
self-loathing, pathetically impotent fuckheads who watched the State
of the Union address and cried, “If Bush gets reelected, I’m
moving to Canada!” Well, you pieces of shit, start packing and
good riddance.
I make this sweeping indictment because I know you all are
scared. For real, it’s a scary time out here. Fear and anger are
wasted emotions. That’s the shit that’s gonna get Bush
reelected. Misdirected anger is a waste because: 1) you only end up
breaking shit you wish you hadn’t after you threw it up against
the wall and 2) you know you’re not gonna do shit but complain
about Dubya to your co-workers or friends who are just as
disillusioned as your are or just don’t fucking care. Fear is only
slightly better because at least you don’t annoy the shit out of
everyone you know talking that shit, because you’re too afraid
that opening your mouth won’t change anything. Thank you for
keeping quiet, but fuck you all the same.
I say this to the collective lot of “you” out there
because you’re more important and influential than you think. I
can see a lot of you getting really excited about some of the things
left-of-center candidates are saying. I can see, in my Romper
Room-like wand, Jimmy and Sally talking about how deep in their
hearts they’d love to elect someone who understands the urgency of
need for progressive politics in the White House. But (and this is a
big but) they moan and gnash their teeth wailing, “WE NEED SOMEONE
WHO CAN BEAT GEORGE BUSH!!” I just so happen to have a loaded
shotgun for both of them to end their miserable lives with, before
they experience electoral sodomy.
You can’t and won’t win anything but a nicely
lubricated park & ride up your poop shoot from John Kerry or
Arsenio Hall a.k.a. Howard Dean with that political strategy. And
let me tell you, having something stuck up your ass when you had
something totally different in mind isn’t just deceitful; it’s
down right immoral, man! The point is that if you want Kucinich to win, who
cares if he looks like a Martin Short and Howdy Doody love child?!
The reason he won’t win is because you won’t vote for him, you
pussy! If you want to paint the White House black, go vote for Al
Sharpton! Forget about his no lye relaxed hair and the fact that he
always seems to be yelling for no apparent reason. If you want Joe
Lieberman to win, well, he won’t win, and you can burn in Hell
with the likes of Satan’s henchmen. But if somebody votes,
someone’s gonna win and someone’s gonna lose.
And that’s where you come in.
I know what you’re thinking too, you whiny dipshit.
You’re saying, “What about the Electoral College? They [state
electors] don’t really have to acknowledge my vote and could, if
they wanted to, elect whoever the hell they want. Look at what
happened in 2000!” This is absolutely right. So try and get one of
your one of your so-called electable candidates to say they want to
get rid of the Electoral College, and see how fast they disappear
from the spotlight. Now ask some peripheral candidate to do it, and
their reaction will be a whole lot different. Why? Because they have
nothing to lose but airtime. No
fear. Why won’t it happen? Because we’re (including myself) lazy
bitches. Unless we think about how tired we are of the ‘same old
shit different day’ mentality many people live their lives in, we
will continue to wallow in it. It’s like in that movie Office Space, where
the loser with the red stapler who doesn’t even really work there,
after years of humiliation and mumbling under his breath, goes and
burns the building down. And seeing, realistically, that no one is
stockpiling weapons (of mass destruction or otherwise) for a
guerilla-style coup, you may as well make a push for popular
democracy.
So you watch one of the seven major candidates on
pick-your-skewed-news channel and say to yourself, “That guy is
really saying some shit I like,” or “This is such bullshit,”
and come to a conclusion on who you are going to vote for. But
don’t tell me your not going to vote because it’s all a scam, or
that you’re gonna vote out of desperation to be rid of Bush, or it
doesn’t matter who wins because they’re all the same; That shit
is weak. Pressure works – just not always as fast as the American
ADHD mind can handle. Black people don’t get hung, castrated, or
burned alive nearly as much as they did a century ago, and now gay
people can hold hands in most coastal cities in the U.S. without
getting the shit kicked out of them or shot, and look how long that
shit took!
How did that happen? A whole lot of resistance, and knowing
that politicians are pussies too. They’re like the customer
service reps you talk to when you try to dispute charges on your
cell phone service. They give you a long song and dance about how
they understand your problem, and they’d love to, but can’t help
you because they’re too busy reading a magazine while they’re
talking to you instead of actually trying to solve your problem
(they call it company policy, politicians give shitty government
practices legal justification).
And you hang up out of frustration. Then, seconds later, in
defeat and defiance, you call back mad as all hell, determined to
get consolation and compensation. This time, they’ve hit the
button that feeds the recording “We’re sorry, your call is very
important to us…” and you wait, and wait and damn near wait
until you almost forgot why you called in the first place. Then,
while you’re daydreaming, thinking about food, sex, or television,
you hear, “Thank you for calling, this is So-and-So, may I help
you?” You argue for what seems like two hours, and talk to seven
different managers (people in adjacent cubicles trained to reinforce
what you’ve already heard). Finally, after lying to them about how
you’re a small business owner who lost this amount of money
because of their inefficiencies, they give you what you want.
Politics is the same way. It’s about who’s got more will
(which, unfortunately, often translates into money) and who’s in
it for the long haul. I won’t lie, the story is more complex than
the ‘one man, one vote’ smoke and rhetoric that’s been blown
up our asses since I don’t know when, but you gotta do something.
And if after November, you still don’t think your action, your
voice, or your vote is somehow meaningful, do us all a favor, and
fucking kill yourself.
|
by the Angry Black Manletters to the Evil Editors should be
addressed to:
sic@buffalobeast.com
© 2004 The Beast