read your "bad brew" article, which I found via totalfark...whoever
wrote that needs to find a job writing for a major publication (Maxim,
Stuff, etc.) -- that was one of the funniest things I have read
in a long time. The
"Steel Reserve" portion caused me to spit a mouthful of
Red Bull all over my desk because I started laughing with the "Holy
Fucking Shitballs" intro...
for the laugh this morning....
Aaaahh, profanity. Where would we be without
it? Hey, wasn’t Red Bull also crappy beer at one point? Whoah.
hoping for a bit more technical data in the substandard swill article.
Specifically -taste aside- what is the highest alcohol percentage
brew at the cheapest price? You may need to perform some kind of
mathematical analysis: ounces of alcohol per dollar.
Are malt liquors really the highest percentage? Why isn't
this information disclosed on the bottle?
and confused -or- drunk and broke.
‘A bit more technical data?’ Please, we
were reviewing the boo, which means we were drinking it,
boner! Go get yourself
some grain alcohol, you sad bastard.
have you ever been flushed on by local
governing bodies in the shower?
are you dancing between or washing dishes with less water
than a morning dew collection of drops?
do you feel the man is out of his friggin mind getting a 20%
increase in pay while you sit in a cold basement after work with a
bernsomatic torch? stop...take
action...complain to someone who cares! ! !
water authority! ! !
Have you ever written a letter
to someone that made sense? Wait, you’re running out of water?
Bernsomatic torch? You’re losing us, man. To your credit,
however, the man is definitely out of his frigging mind. Are you
Accept God into your life while you still have
Contact a local church or prayerline today.
real do not be in Hell when you realize it!
already in hell. The only contact we’ll be making with a local
church will be with a bulldozer. Grrr!
MORE WEB FOLLIES
not to have your new issue online, I live in Kentucky, and of course
your paper isn't distributed in my town. I rely on the internet.
get your shit together assholes!
Dear Editor’s Girlfriend,
next time you pretend to be from Kentucky, try taking your name
off the e-mail, silly.
Go back to the old look on the website.
look was underground and put the emphasis on the writing. This new
one is all over the place and distracting.
Dear Buffalo Beast,
have to say that I do agree that Jessica is a pretty
name and I do agree with most things that you have to say
altogether. But i must
say no there is nothing i can do for you for a subscription other
then money, for the
simple fact that i can already tell i am to good for you, you are
the type of person that giggles at slight cleavage and is excited
at a rated r movie you most likely spend you time trying to beat
the system and see as much as you can on the fuzzy station (for
gods sake just pay for the station)
can’t afford the station! We just can’t. Maybe we should sell
subscriptions or something. You sound hot, because you’re either
really young or really dumb.
DOTH PROTEST TOO MUCH
Hi - While I do agree that the bar patrons of
Buffalo Wild Wings are a bit heavy/ugly, I do not agree that the
staff is. Take a good
look at the workers they are all very cute, if not gorgeous.
The servers especially....
So i never
heard of your paper. But I just read an article.
I haven't been in BW3's in a long time... but after reading
your review why would I want to go?
I'm led to believe its full of ugly/heavy people.
Actually, i'm expecting it to be full of them! A good journalist would never dream of making a comment like
that unless it were true, right?, because then it would be bordering
its not a big suprise I never heard of your paper.
You publish tasteless garbage.
What a joke, you couldnt find anything else wrong with the
place so you had to start talking about the people!
is, the trash you passed off as reporting hurt a friend of mine.
And like any good friend
would do... they would go right after your precious advertisers.
it skiiibunniii? Seriously, there's no way you could interpret our
review as slander. The correct term is libel.
just stay out of Buffalo Wild Wings b/c we don't need internet geeks
cajones to say something to someone's face.
your boyfriend that New York is gay friendly but the Mighty Buffalo
stand your stench.
Momma's Baby's Daddy
guys must be really fat and ugly to get so upset over this. Look,
we can be friends, no problem, just take out an ad…fat-ass.
are living on a major fault line, what the fuck? I do not know about
the rest of the state, but I live in the only island of normality
in the whole west coast, the East Bay. Western New York State does
not sound very different, what with the decaying infrastructure,
the comically inept politicians and the white flight to the less
terminally fucked suburbs. Matter of fact, here is a fun trivia
question. What major California city lead the state in murder and
violent crime, is also a major drug smuggling hub and has been without
a police narcotics division for almost two years? Ding, ding, ding....
Oakland it is! For all its problems, the East Bay does have it charm
and is infinitely superior to that glory hog of a city, San Francisco
(motto: Birthplace of the Whiny Metrosexual). Ever see that Verizon
commercial with that irritating and balding pervert in Drew Carrey
glasses? Well, then you never have to go to SF because you pretty
much know what everyone who lives there is like.
I would love to have a friendly argument over which is superior,
Western New York or the East Bay, but I really have never been to
Buffalo so I would not know if you where feeding me a line of shit.
Until then have some respect for the state that contains the city
that is the birthplace of the Black Panthers and the home of the
greatest football franchise ever.
it, Max, the only reason you live in Oakland is because you could
never possibly afford to live in SF. We’re not the ones who elected
Arnie, not to mention Reagan. We’ll start respecting you when Northern
Cali finally secedes and forms its own state. Oakland is hardcore,
sure, but you’d all shrivel up and die if you got one day’s worth
of Buffalo snow. The Raiders do have way cooler uniforms, though,
we’ll give you that.
Re Most Vile: A tough job to be certain,
deciding who should and who should not be on the Most Vile List, but
you'll have to excuse me for bringing to your attention one GLARING
absence. Ashton Kutcher??? This
fuckwit was born for the list.
True, the list maintains many individuals with high-ranking
positions and the ability to fuck us over everyday by pusing this or
that agenda -an ability that he dosn't possess.
But pound for pound nobody can annoy like Kutcher, and,worst
of all, you can't get away fromt he prick!
He's on every channel all the time!
his resume speaks for itself.
That having been said, much respect for the
Beast. Shine on.
Ashton for the list, but then he never would have agreed to do the
interview in our last issue. Plus, he’s got, like, the best stuff,
"Desert Storm da video game!" (read
like "Yogurt" from Spaceballs)
know if you's know about this, but there's a fucking Desert Storm
video game. Can you
believe that shit? Talk
about irony. (Y'know,
considering the weapons programs, news footage, etc)
It's called like "Desert Storm II:
Back to Baghdad" or something like that. I don't know
what offends me more: the fact that some company has decided the
events disgracing America in the internat'l community and the demise
of civillians from Iraq and soldiers from the US is trivial enough
to be made into a video game, or that they just didn't put enough
imagination into the game.
I mean, hell-oooo?!
No "Bionic Commando invades Baghdad", or "Contra:
The Baghdad Years"? Or
remember that game "Jackal", with the two jeeps for original
NES? You could have
those dudes blasting away insurgents and innocent citizens left
and right! "Improvised Explosive Device" my ass!
Send fuckin Double Dragon in there. Or,
here's my favorite: The
dust from the Depleted Uranium munitions turns US and Iraqi's over
there into zombies, and you can have a Resident Evil: Baghdad.
Whatever, the game makers over seas are sitting on a goldmine
and they don't even know it.
I tried. And
where is Jailbait Jenny? Everyone
wants to know.
Jenny’s been here the whole time; she just
doesn’t like to speak when her mouth is full.
I find this article to be inaccurate and
offensive. First of all, the pentagon does NOT spend "almost
the entire federal budget." It is certainly not more than 30%,
and most likely a lot less. Secondly, we don't use DP to poison
people. (There are a lot more effective ways to poison people if we
wanted to, which we don't.) Rather, we use DP because it is highly
effective in penetrating armor. It is INTENDED to kill whatever it
is aimed at. Without it, we need to use a lot more explosive, which
has implications of lesser payload, lesser effectiveness, and
therefore our soldiers more at risk. We have not irradiated cities
(as alleged elsewhere), but have used these weapons on armored
vehicles (mostly in the desert) or bunkers. The bunker buster cited
does NOT contain "an explosive uranium charge that weighs 1.7
tons" as alleged in this article. Uranium doesn't explode
unless detonated in a (very) controlled manner in a nuclear
explosion. What the GBU-28 has is 630 lbs of high explosive. (0.3
tons.) The depleted uranium itself does not explode, it is there to
add mass and density allowing it to penetrate 20 feet of concrete or
100 feet of dirt. Without it, we have no way of penetrating hardened
bunkers other than using actual NUCLEAR weapons, which would have a
catastrophic effect for everyone, not just those in the bunker
itself. I suppose we could just leave the bunkers alone and allow
the people hiding there to continue to command and control enemies
who would hurt our troops or kill our civilians in our homeland. I
prefer to kill those in the bunkers myself. As for the dangers of
dirty bombs, they are primarily psychological weapons. The only
people seriously at risk are those close enough to be injured by the
blast itself. As for the high levels of radiation at four sites in
Baghdad, there is no causality demonstrated in this
article. There are a number of possibilities. Leftover
material from Sadam's weapons research, material looted from
hospitals, etc. If the author were to say that there is high level
of radiation next to this bunker that we destroyed, then that is
causality, but merely linking radiation to DU in an effort to say we
are deliberately trying to irradiate cities is ridiculous.
("Did you know bananas are dangerous for your health? My
grandfather ate bananas and he's dead! His father ate bananas too
and HE's dead. Bananas are dangerous!") So, are DP munitions
inherently dangerous? Yes. They are intended to be, just as other
weapons and many other useful things such as gasoline and
automobiles. The benefits in this case of being able to destroy
enemy armor and bunkers outweigh the collateral risks posed by DP
residue. Tell locals not to let their kids play on destroyed tanks.
The collateral damage of using DU is a lot less than the up-front
damage would be if we didn't use it. Personally, I'd rather take a
chance at getting cancer down the road to being killed outright
today. Finally, the Pentagon does not go to war so they can test
their new toys. They test their weapons first. The needs of war
(killing enemy soldiers at the least risk to ourselves or civilians)
drives weapons development. Weapons development does not drive war.
This is an insult to our troops and a callous disregard of the lives
and welfare of our people. If people are unhappy with the effects of
war, they should focus their energy on preventing war, not on
harming our troops by limiting their abilities on the battlefield.
Okay, “almost the entire federal budget”
is a bit of an exaggeration, but not much. I never said we were deliberately
irradiating cities, just that we are irradiating cities. Your
moral relativism is revolting, Cox. “Tell locals not to let their
kids play on destroyed tanks?” I can just hear your sinister
snigger as you type a callously hateful line like that. “Weapons
development does not drive war?” Puh-leese. “I'd rather take a
chance at getting cancer down the road to being killed outright
today?” Frankly, I’m not so sure, in your case.
OOOOOOOOOOOOH…………[on the phone:]
Hey Beast Guys this is the Alt Press. Uh, reference your pot uh ad, just wanted you to know that everyone that's been calling we've been telling them they're calling a police sting sponsored by the Buffalo Beast and gave them your number. Bye.
Wow. That’s gotta be the lamest retort ever. Why
would a police sting tell the callers what it is? You guys need
to work on this ‘funny’ thing you’ve been trying out. Whatever;
we were just expressing our affection for you guys. You never call
anymore, Alt Press. Is there another publication in your life? It’s
OK; we can handle it. Just tell us it’s not. Artefakt, please.