[sic]-your letters

AFTER OUR OWN HEARTS

hey beast, fuk buffalo wild wings and those fat bitches, they suck hairy monkey balls and the food sucks!. im really drunk, but you should print my email on the back of your paper becuase i got all my friends reading this sh!t cus the beast rocks! I love being offended by your fine journalism and occasionaly my roomate puts your articles on our bathroom wall. We called the ad about free pot and they told us of your advertising prank, it was great! !

we love free POT!!!!!!

Drunk corey

UNCLEAR ON THE CONCEPT

Re: Most Vile Beast Incarnations

Let me know when you stop rehashing old articles -- I am now embarrassed to have realized you even did so.

You offend the very idea of offensiveness. Get funny or something; or just keep conjuring up more compound adjectival phrases to describe people that deserve to be insulted much more effectively.

I'm out like a clitoris in Senegal.

-Tony Blair (Two Time "America's #1 Bitch" Award Winner)

CONTRIBUTE THIS

I think you should put this true story my friend and I wrote in the beast, its better than anything jailbait jenny could ever do. If you like we could always write again. Our lives are very exciting and we love to tell of are wild adventures.

All Yours,

Toobla and Chessy

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The Night We Got Kidnapped By Hookers

By: Toobla* and Chessy*

It was a warm night, kind of like tonight, the air was thick, the drinks were coming for free and my beer goggles were on high voltage. We were under age on Chippewa looking for a good time, not knowing what dangers we could get are selves into this adventure going to Chippewa with 15 dollars and no ID.

We pre gamed at home, and brought a water bottle of vodka and generic 7up with us. Classic. Making it a little easier to per swaye the beautiful Chippewa bouncers to let us in, knowing that it was the only chance we had at drunken bliss . So on the metro we are, the way we get down town because neither of us drive, which I would think is a good thing because of are tendencies to be shit face wasted and think were "shober". metro tickets 1.50 each, that I now pay for after having to pay a $20.00 fine for having a Child's ticket. So now were down to $13.00 and a wild ride. Getting off the metro we go to are after pre game pre bar, bar the silver duck*. We throw back some, watch a white haired temptress hump a refrigerator man and we seduce some old men for drinks and go on are mission to get into a different bar. Walking down Chippewa we go

to are regular bars that have let us in once or twice before and in are drunken minds we believe we are regulars and we’ll get in. denied. We try talking some drunk fuckers to get us in with there "connections" again in are drunken minds we believe they have although they tell us they don’t. sick of are same old charades we sit on flower pots on the corner in front of a pizza place hoping some one will offer us a invitation into a bar, when to my surprise a suv limo stops and offers us a ride, with nothing to lose we accept. chelsey I and four dollars gets into a mystery limo. Thinking we are open minded about being the only white girls in the limo we pretend every thing is ok. We tell jokes laugh, cry, drink and not wonder about where were going. Trying to be open minded I talk to one of the woman in the limo, I don’t quite remember any thing we talked about but she told me "us girls gots to stick together." now I think she is my new best friend. Than I remember her yelling to her lady friend "these mother fuckers aint gunna pay us." next thing I know were out of the limo, me chelsey and the two ladies and the words "us girls gots to stick together", repeating over in my head, at this time I realize what these ladies do for a living, there woman of the night. You would have thought that here skin tight leopard jump suit would have gave it away but being from suburban New York I know nothing of the hooker dress code. She try’s to sell my friend, I cry, she yells at me, we escape. Next morning I don’t know how I got there but I woke upon a couch I never meet before. I walk around to try to get a memory of the home, I don’t but I walk into a bedroom to find my friend and a Puerto Rican or black man I don’t remember, but there awake telling jokes without me!! So I jump into that pimpin bed and tell him im going to shoot that hooker whore with a rifle, and that I find Sean Paul to be looking quite spectacular lately, obviously still drunk. Than he drops us off at my grandparents when they were out of town. And you don’t even want to know what happened.

Eat SHIT Jailbait ugly face Jenny.

The end.