The subject of Gay Marriage has quickly become a flashpoint of controversy in our nation, as issues of morality and civil rights square off in a politically charged election year. Now that gay weddings are being performed in New Paltz, New York, the issue has come closer than ever to Andrew "Andi" Naylor, an openly gay Allentown resident, who has strong feelings on the subject. Once Andi heard that same-sex ceremonies were being performed, he packed his bags and took the trip out to New Paltz—to protest against them.

"I’ve got to do something," Andi says. "Sure, it’s weird standing there with people chanting stuff like "fags go home" and stuff. But I’ve been with Roger [Andi’s boyfriend]for years now, and if this thing gets any bigger, he’ll be buying me a ring, and I’m just not ready for that."

So he’s been hard at work, circulating petitions, writing letters to politicians, and doing "whatever it takes" to avoid tying the knot. "I mean, who knows? Roger’s great, but what if someone better comes along? I already met a nice Christian man in my protest group, but I don’t think he knows he’s queer yet. Look, being gay isn’t always fun, but at least I’ve never had to worry about getting trapped in a dead relationship. Now they’re trying to take that away from me, and I won’t give it up without a fight."

He supports a constitutional amendment banning the practice, as proposed by George Bush. "Hey however it works, that’s fine," says Naylor. "I mean, who cares; I’ll even take three fifths of a vote or whatever to avoid this marriage thingy. I just need my space; it’s so precious to me."

Most of his friends, gay and straight, think Andi is overreacting, and disapprove of his actions, but he has at least one staunch supporter: longtime friend and self-described "fag hag" Laurie Baker. "Andi’s right; he shouldn’t get married," says Baker. "Roger’s nice and all, but if they get married, he’ll be all possessive, and then who’s gonna hang out and eat cheese sticks with ranch dressing and talk about how horrible everyone is with me? He needs to keep his options open, at least until I can finally admit that I’m gay too."

Naylor’s boyfriend, Roger Lamb, was unable to comment on this story at press time, as he was simultaneously weeping and eating chocolate fudge ice cream out of a half-gallon container, but a close friend said that Naylor was "A big poo-head" and should "get his skinny ass back here and apologize, before someone decapitates his stuffed animals."