"Table for two?" the bozo Cole's jelled head, midget, hostess asked us. We did a quick glance at the bar situation to see if it was clear to grab a few cold ones and try to pick up some 30 year old business men.

By the look of the hostess he's not about to play around. So we acted like we didn't want to eat there and we ran away in to the darkness of the night never to be seen there again. So slip away sliding down the icy streets of Elmwood we find our selves at the window of wizards* looking into a cozy fire place and than our eyes caught the huge droopy eyed bazookas of the mid 50 year old bartender. Goo goo gaga! So we try to make a slick entrance making sure not to look any wizards in the eyes. Before I knew it the big bazookas were giving me beers and we were warming our bare legs to the fireplace. "Extra smoke miss?" I ask a fat, old, alcoholic scrapper face, American Indian lady. Who knew there were only twenty cigarettes in a pack and none to spare? Whatta bitch but ill always remember that lady. That's when we decided to hitch hike it outta there. As soon as we walk out we see a cab with an aura around it so we chased that mother down in our Mini skirts and knee high boots and to our surprise it stopped automatically. Knowing we only have five dollars we jump in the ride.

Looking in the review mirror we could only see the cab drivers lonely Cyclops eyeball. Until he slowly creaked his wipper snapper head to face us and slowly licked his 60 year old chapped lips. "Woof yaaaaa he said you ladies must be cold in those mini skirts on a night like this, owww your gnams are nice." We laugh and tell him about our night so far and tell him to take us to Allentown.

On our way he proposes a night of him buying us beer and cruzing around buffalo in his cab while we drink. I kind of thought it was a good idea but Tina said "no way, that's not normal." But he says he will wait out side in case we need him. We go in some places things don't work out. Denied denied denied! Bam boom shabam guess whose back and asking for more? Yes the cab driver. This time Tinas mind done changed. "Lets go girlfriends!" and into a town of robberies and murder, down a few blocks. When finally we get to the destination. His broken down home of lost souls and the aroma of cat urine. That's just fine to us. Little Jimmy was suppose to be out getting subs with some buds so the taxi driver told him to stay in his room. I'm sure he didn't want his son to see two hot young girls around his age drinking all his dad's liquor. Damn them. Nothing better than three new best friends of all ages sharing something in common. Whiskey brings every one together. But it went too far when he touched our budunkas. "I think we should go now this isn't normal." Tina said. So the taxi driver figured out were not giving it up tonight, so he drives us up to this old hot spot and drops us off. Not to our surprise there's only an older joker and two navy boys in the joint. Things are going well until one of the navy men asks Tina to dance with him to a 40's slow jam. What? She accepted! They dipped and twirled, this got old quick. "We cant get outta this place, we aint gots no car." So the two navy men gave us a ride this is when we found out they were really nuts. Navy boy #1 pulled out his gun, and I aint talking about his shalong. Interested Tina was, and she shot that unloaded thing out the window. And we all decide to go to Navy prom together sometime. They dropped us off at Tina's place we bombarded up the stairs and woke up her asleepin' mom. "You

two girlies aren't going out again are you?" but we says to her "we just getting ETS at the corner, man!" and again we ran away in to the darkness of the night. We met a man we know of deviance at the corner to get a ride and a purse of prescriptions pills and told him the place that be happenin' is hanks* on Allen, so he dropped us off there and cried his way home. When we walked into hanks we talked a few men into buying us drinks and socialize with all the dumb fuckers. When a white dreadlockedheaded Mr. Walks Tina's way to have a little chitchat. We end up going home with him to find out he's into sicko threesomes and not regular threesomes. And we weren't aloud to talk because he lived with 4 WOMEN TEACHERS! There was no amount of wine that could make this guy a winner tonight, unless it was with some blonde dread lock fag with elephant pants on. So we decided that all guys with dreadlocks are lonesome fags. So if you have dreadlocks out there cut them off and you may get laid. We left his place and on our walk home some garbage men honked and hooted at us we slipped on some snow and then we went to bed.