News in Briefs

As The Roullette Wheel Turns- Things seem to be going smoothly for the Senecas and a proposed Cheektowaga casino--too smoothly. The tribe approved purchasing 57 acres of land out by the airport, and their early projections show it will be their most profitable operation of the three they own. But word is Carl Paladino, along with his suspiciously "unnamed downtown businessmen" and their lawsuit might just throw a wrench into the Indiansí plan and bring the whole thing back to Buffalo. The Senecas recently blew Albanyís scheme to tax Indian tobacco and gasoline sales across the state, millions they were counting on in the state budget (which we still donít have) and the local budgets, so they have no friends in either party. That includes any judges the case goes before. Theyíve also quietly badmouthed the Mayor and the County Executive every chance they could. If thereís anything our politicians relish around here, itís payback, and those who publicly said no (Masiello, Giambra, Rudnick, etc...) are using Paladino to give the tribe a royal screwing. The Indians will be forced into reconsidering shitty Buffalo sites that donít make any sense like the Convention Center, the Aud, and the Statler, as well as enduring painfully long, drawn out community, environmental and traffic impact studies. The smartest thing would be to sell them some of that NFTA waterfront just outside downtown, which might very well happen. The Common Council claims the city still owns the land and is making moves to reclaim it from the NFTA, which has used it as dumping grounds for the last thirty years. Either way, itís sad when you have to hold a gun to somebodyís head in order to get their business.

Porn Nightmare - Those loviní spirits are reeling out in California as an HIV panic has forced the entire adult movie business to shut down productions for the next two months during the incubation period. Two performers have tested positive so far and at least sixty-five more may have been exposed to the virus, according to the Associated Press. Darren James is suspected of contracting the virus down in Brazil on a shoot and subsequently infected Laura Roxx, a female performer whoís been doing porn for less than three months. Itís certainly a shitty way to welcome a Canadian farm girl to the industry. Ms. Roxx contracted the disease during a 2 on 1 shoot with Mr. James and another man both using her really bad place at the same time without condoms. Odds are this video of the actual transmission of the AIDS virus will be a blockbuster for Ace of Angles, the "edgy" company which employs Mr. James. No movies will be shot until June, and performers are scrambling to find available temporary jobs that pay really well and donít cut into sleep or party time.

One Sick Bitch - This space is usually reserved for Priest Molests Boy, but this story is astonishingly awful. 34-year old Angela Larkin of no known address in Buffalo is in federal custody down in Pennsylvania for letting a man she met on the Internet molest her two-year-old girl. Thatís not a typo, her two-year-old girl. Investigators wonít say exactly what happened but admitted that Larkin promised the 43-year-old man he could have sex with her baby. Like any mature adjusted adult, Richard King of Mohonton, PA jumped at the opportunity and drove all the way up to sunny Buffalo and brought mom and daughter back home for some twisted evil. All we know is that crossing state lines to engage in sexual contact with a baby is a seriously large charge which wonít win King friends in any courthouse or jailhouse. No word on whether crack played any part in this nightmare.

Jimmy Macís Smoking Banned - What the? The last time we checked, a six-month waiver meant six months, not two weeks. An appeals court in Rochester overturned the waiver, granted by State Supreme Court Judge Sconiers, so itís No Smoking again at Jimmy Macís. Exactly what does a bar owner have to do get a simple smoking ban waiver in Erie County, breathe fire or shit gold? It doesnít seem to matter to officials that Rick Naylon and others are losing precious business in Buffalo under this stupid, Draconian law. People are out of work and tax revenues are disappearing, but a rule is a rule, even if itís idiotic and fascistic. Itís no secret the ban is being flaunted in many bars, but restaurants are particularly vulnerable to garnering complaints from non-smoking narcs. This isnít a police issue, much to the horror of all the ninnies calling 911 to report "illegal" smokers; itís a health department issue, and our county inspectors are too lazy and too few to pursue anything outside lunch time. At this rate restaurants will go out of business and it strikes us as nothing short of amazing; this is Buffalo, goddamnit, it shouldnít take more than five minutes to bribe the right person and get a fucking waiver. Maybe the control board salary freeze will loosen up those sweaty hands needing an excuse to get some graft.

Comfy County Crooks- If you didnít see this one coming youíre a shut in. Even the News reported it months ago. Now County Comptroller Nancy Naples (easily the most credible and honest politician in these parts) has completed an investigation into county furniture expenditures, and it seems weíve been overcharged to the tune of half a million dollars by Buffalo Office Interiors, "coincidentally" owned by County Executive Dickbag Joel Giambraís chief fundraiser James Spanos. Giambra has been playing the age-old game of political corruption like a gambling-addicted casino ghoul, including hiring his friends to renovate and build county buildings and then furnish them. What was wrong with the old buildings and the old furniture? Nothing, but wasting taxpayer money redecorating is a nifty way to hook your buddies up and legally steal. Spanos basically has a corner on the county furniture market. If he were in the toilet paper business, theyíd be putting laxatives in the water coolers at City Hall. Anyone claiming we got the best price on this stuff, which is all going to be replaced within ten years by another crooked administration, is a liar and/or a politician. Naples found that protocols were bypassed, which isnít too surprising, since Giambra and his buddies make these deals over cocktails in the Buffalo Club. Now the County Executive wants to empanel a commission of other close friends to conduct another investigation, one whose findings could only be more favorable to him. What sucks is thereís three more years of this crap before we can flush Giambra, and this is only the tip of the shitberg.

Gang Wars- Okay, now weíre talking. Seven people were shot over a nine-hour period last weekend, a good warmup for the summer season. Two men were shot to death in an apartment at the Shoreline Apartments downtown, a truly scary, Section 8, concrete-bunker style apartment complex in the shadow of City Hall and The BEAST offices. Five other men were shot in separate incidents on the East Side while going about their business. All these injuries and fatalities have invaluably boosted training and experience at area hospitals; itís one thing to study gunshot wounds in the classroom, another in the ECMC emergency room. The police have their hands full already, what with the control board on their asses and all (see below), so donít expect many answers. Just wait until July, when the weather heats up and we get some real fireworks out of the street gangs.

Mayor Discovers Testicles - George Bush is reportedly roaming the halls of the White House wringing his hands after being publicly snubbed by Buffalo Mayor Anthony Masiello. The President came in good faith to chat about the noble Patriot Act and spread some cheer in this destitute region but apparently he alienated Mayor Marblemouth with a late invitation. Claiming he doesnít see "an aggressive, focused agenda for putting Americans back to work," Masiello sounded like the ultimate hypocrite. The only Americans working under Masiello are his friends and connected insiders, guys like Michael Muscarella (see BEAST issue #47). While it was a surprisingly ballsy move, the Mayorís petty motives should disqualify him from scoring any points with Bush-hating voters, in all their wisdom. The president may be a simian villain, but being a prick to the guy is not going to help us get desperately needed federal aid in these bankrupted parts. The next time President Asshead thinks of Buffalo this is what heíll remember, and weíll get screwed out of cash because of this petty maneuver. Remember Tony, you canít skim pork barrel funds if you donít get them.

American Idle - Idol Fever has overtaken the region because of John Stevens, the East Amherst teenager entered in this glorified Karaoke competition. Since everyone seems to be watching we thought weíd check it out and if you havenít already, donít bother; itís painful. Really, the whole thing was unwatchable, particularly this low warbling, carrot-topped, awkward kid singing like he wished he got voted off weeks ago. Whoever you are dialing that number at the end of the show over and over again, you have no sense of decency, but then itís not you falling flat on your face week after week on international television. Therefore our American Idol review of East Amherstís finest is pretty short: He sang "Mandy"óstrike one. He looked uncomfortable and gay doing itóstrike two. The judges visibly grimaced during his performance, and Simon Cowell said Stevens reminded him of Stan Laurel. Totally accurate and strike three. If this poor kid offs himself before the end of the show donít say nobody saw it coming.

Salary Wars - City workers went on red alert April 21st when the control board froze their salaries and suspended all raises. That includes the most powerful unions in Buffalo, the teachers, the police, and the firemen who helped bleed us dry for decades and forced Buffalo into bankruptcy. Now theyíre going on the warpath, which sucks for the rest of us. The only one in their corner is the mayor who cast the lone dissenting vote. Good move Tony, suck up to the unions, thatís one bloc of voters you can always count on. Ordinary citizens are ecstatic, even hopeful, maybe the control board is going to do the right thing. According to the News, on our present course the city will be more than $80 million in debt by 2008, and this is the result of paying ridiculous salaries, raises, health care, and retirement plans for city workers. These people have had their way for far too long and this is the result, weíre so broke it hurts, but that wonít prevent an unprecedented political war. Hereís what you can expect: lawsuits, foot-dragging, and open hostilities, so if you thought city workers were impossible already you ainít seen nothiní yet. It would be a lot simpler to just gather all the cityís assets together right now and give it to these vampires in one big shot so we can forget all this misery and lay down and die. It was a good game while it lasted, though.

Giambra Fakes Integrity - Turning down the 40% raise after getting busted in a half million dollar scam is far too little too late, Senor Giambra. We would rather see your scrawny ass thrown in jail along with the rest of societyís scum where you can live or die by your own cunning or lack thereof. How about Jailhouse Survivor starring Joel Giambraócan he avoid the pratfalls of prison? Will he avoid prison-bitch status? Not a chance.

Great White Nope - We knew "Baby" Joe Mesi hurt his career badly in that last fight against Vasily Jurov (see BEAST issue #45) but we didnít think it was over. For some reason, Mesi went after Jirov late even though he was clearly winning, and the ex-commie pummeled him to the canvas three times. Apparently he HAS been sitting in a dark room eating soup with a constant headache, as word leaked out Friday "Baby" Joe didnít just suffer a concussion, thereís a blood clot on his brain. If this is true itís the end of his career. One more solid punch to the head and his brain will swell up and pop like an egg in a microwave oven. The Mesi camp is still negotiating with HBO for another fight as well as a match with Mike Tyson out at Ralph Wilson Jr. Stadium, but the fact is heís been suspended by the Nevada State Athletic Commission until brain scientists clear another MRI. This is the boxing world, however, and "Baby" Joe hasnít gotten a real massive payday yet; his managers can probably find a sympathetic doctor to clear him cheap. Look for one more fight out of Mesi, the Will He Die In The Ring Match, and if he doesnít take a dive in the first round, well, then we guess his team gets to keep the paycheck. Good luck!

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© 2004 The Beast