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Features:

BEAST is Dead, Long live The BEST!

Special Ad Section (FUNNY!)

Top 10 Reasons to Vote Republican

Why The Environment Doesn't Matter- Al Uthman

Banal Retentive - Matt Taibbi

The Beer Mystic Manifesto - Paul Salamone

Matt Taibbi Comes Clean on Abu Ghraib

A Gallivan's Life  - Seamus Gallivan

ArtVoice Review -Tone At

Departments:

Buffalo in Briefs

BEST-O-Scopes

Sports Blotter - Matt Taibbi

Page 3

Separated at Birth???

Pusher

Craig's Reading Corner

[sic] - your letters

Classifieds!

Movies:

Kino Korner

Roland Emmerich Interview

Music:

BEAST BASH A Baffling Success!!

AudioFiles

Baby Steps Review Cubby

BESTivities

Cartoons:

Deep Fried - Jason Yungbluth

Bob the Angry Flower - Stephen Notely

Unbalanced Load - Darren Longo

Archives--Old BESTs

Contact Us

1ST Annual Agoraphobics Convention to be held at the Walden Galleria Mall on
Saturday, May 29. Seriously, what are you
Scared of?

AllentownVictorian-Beautiful Lg 1 bdrm liv / din rms, 2 faux Frplcs, yd, all $575 No dogs. Avail July 1 883-0321

N BFLO 3 bdrm, 2 bath, new carpet Fr & pckt drs, oak, frplc, appl, no Pets, $900+ 832-0089

EAST SIDE like new!
Crack house, 2 bdrm, 1 bath,
Wall to wall aluminum foil,
Blacked out windows.
$ 250+ 885-8865

Allentown 1&2 bdrm apts,
Good locations, some hdwd, some new carpeting, appl, incl water & trash, $400-$525. Ben 903-9462

Allentown
Beautiful underground
bunker, Great for storing WMDS and
bio-agents, new sec sys & carpets
$1200 Doug 441-6278

ANYWHERE.
Need to rent a property? Need to sell your furniture to buy dog food for your baby? CALL THE BEAST
CHEAP RATES 856-4355

Ashland Ave 2 story 1 bdrm, lg liv rm, kit & bath, no smoking, no
cats, $525 incl elec. Call Jeremy
310-8684

Bidwell Area, 2 bdrm, porch,
nat wd, stained glass, w/w, DR, no pets / smoking $400s 838-1337

BUFF STATE area upper 2 bdrm, $550 + utilities & security 877-5671

BUFF STATE Area lower 3 bdrm 2 bath, mold infested, rat shit carpet,
claw foot tub, used syringes incl! Great deal Doug 441-6278

Elmwood/Bird. Gorgeous 3 bdrm lwr, liv rm, din rm, new kit, lndry on same level, porch. Great loc $850 incl elec 532-3484

Elmwood/North St large one
bedroom, $450 with heat &appl 861-9652 Mike

LINWOOD
Absolutely beautiful,
very spacious # bdrm+rear sun rm. Lots of detail, refin woof flrs, frplc, Fr drs, fresh paint. Porch, pkng, all appl incl, wsh/dry 6/1/04. $750 954-3595

N BFLO Efficiency cube. New kit, Murphy bed. Perfect for a contortionist. Doug 441-6278

RICHMOND
Beautiful updated 1&
2 bdrms. Util incl, near
colleges/hospitals.No smkng-pets $495 & $575 759-1058 ext. 224

WEST SIDE
2 bdrmVictorian, dec-
orative fireplaces, high ceilings, spacious & sunny, next to Park $750 includes heat, no pets, no smokers. 883-5735

GOAT ISLAND.
Gay troglodyte
seeks same. $85/week incl
uncomfortable stare & cable.
Doug 441-6278

WEST BANK
Jewish male seeks
palestinian to occupy areas of apartment, roughly based on a South African model.

AWARD winning greeting card publisher needs creative,hard-working individuals for production of our hand silk-screened cards. Full time positions, M-Th 8am-6:30pm. $7.50/hr to start. Fax resume or call 836-0408 for information.

CHAIR RENTAL & nail technician Red Door West hair salon & spa
884-1010

HIRING Licensed
ham masseuse, must be
experienced with smoked &
cured pork. Good salary+ benefits Call Doug 441-6278

Lubricant Tester needed for local fast-growing firm. Must be willing to work with animals & the homeless.
Great career opportunity! Call Doug 441-6278

PERORMERS needed for entertainment company. VJs, DJs, Vocalists, Dancers, Costume Characters. Great pay and training provided. Weekend work TEC
877-4400

POODLE VALET Wanted for antisemitic poodle. Job
includes spoon feeding, grooming, walking, and reading Mein Kampf. Call
Doug 441-6278

SUMMER Help- Gardens, Basket, Street Maintenance. Apply Forever Elmwood, 410 Elmwood,
14222. 881-0707

VIDEOGRAPHERS needed for event video. Resume & tape to TEC 877-4844

Wal-Mart now accepting apl
for greeters. No exp nec. Horrible pay/ no benefits, must have own liver spots. Apply now at any Wal-Mart!

WANTED Horsemen to bring
Apocalypse. Only 4 positions
available. Competitive salary, full medical / dental, 401k. Must have own horse. Training provided
441-6278

Stem cells

In good condition.
make me an offer.
Doug 441-6278

Records (Vinyl)
Hip Hop, Rock, Oldies... good condition.
Call to make appointment.
Josh Brown 465-8566

AREAS ONLY
-dead pet removal service. We will drive your departed pet's corpse to heaven or the dump, which ever is closer to your house. 441-6278

LATIN PERCUSSION
LESSONS.
Specializing in Afro-Caribbean rhythms. Congas, bongos, timbales,
hand drums & minor
percussion
Instruments provided
Wendell Rivera 998-1162

PHOTOGRAPHER
shoot all your needs. Portraits,storefronts, interiors, etc. Honest and affordable.
Matt 536-3195

RECORDS & cassettes converted to CD, I will do it for you. Affordable
& quick 884-0885

BBTVSDNS seeks same for
friendship and possible milkshake.
Doug 441-6278

ALL ABOUT YOU
Independent. Blonde, Blue eyes and tan. In/out 444-9189

ARIANNA Beautiful with class. Available 24/7. Your place or mine 826-BABE (2223)

GALAXY ESCORTS
MANY new models to choose From. Men and women age 18-50. Escorts, dancers, oil rubs and specializing in fetishes.
In/out
Open 24/ 7 822-1156

GOLDEN GIRLS
Classy older women available around the clock
824-WILD (9453)

HUGE PHALLUS
Available for BDSM, roleplay & parking tickets Call City Hall 851-4200

LUCKY CHARMS
ESCORTS.You place or ours. Lg selection of Ladies.
444-3157

OPEN LATE!!!!!!!
Men & women available
Now offering
stag & stagettes.
We never close. 823-8375

SEXY Suzy. In or Out, 33 yrs old. Hot, Hot, Hot ! 444-3157

STRESSED OUT?
You need the soothing touch of a Yeti. Strong hairy hands. Ask for Doug
441-6278

WOMAN over 30. Where sophistication & and class, not trash matter!
In or out 444-3157

YOUR PLACE OR MINE
Creepy old man available for
sexual healing. Doug 441-6278

ELITE ORAL SERVICES WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?
Sophisticated professionals pay attention to detail after you've had a long day. Take a load off sweetie. Call Crystal. 486-0991

LOST: sense of faith in local gov't. Somewhere btwn Buffalo Place and the new Federal Courthouse. If found, please kill immediately. Reward. Call Doug at 441-6278

LOST: diamond wedding ring, at the orgy on Johnson St. last Friday. Must find, please hurry! Reward depends on finder's sexual proclivities. Call Amber at 441-6278, hang up if Doug answers.

FOUND: pair of soiled panties, by pedestrian bridge at Delaware Park; seeking owner. I know it sounds unusual, but maybe it's fate. I think my wife is cheating. Call Doug at 441-6278

LOST: dimebag of ghetto schwag, near corner of North & Allen. If found, please enjoy, or pass along to someone who will.