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Presents:

Pusher vol.8

Notes, From the Under Where?


            “I am a sick man…I am a spiteful man,” stated in the immortal words of: if you don’t know you better ask. I’ve been (please pronounce bean) a hater—every thought held under contempt—for far too long. I’ve quit the Beast and will be pushing the Riverside times, that sports paper and The ArtVoice, although Buffalo’s best fiend seems to have turned over a leaf in dire need of turning. 

It’s important to curb the harmful voices infecting our youth.       

What is more imperative than the act of censoring for our youth? (Or those Thoreau called illiterate, yet have the ability to read.) Right—nothing! Free thought should be extinguished as quickly as it can be mustered up. Can you blame those who wouldn’t keep the Beast in their fine establishments? Pizza by Molino’s is the latest to be added to the list of those who would rather not have the Beast bringing down property value. This was the final straw, and what actually brought on this issue. We felt that this place is such an important—forget important—integral part of Buffalo that, without that place out there on Union road on our side, then ours must be the wrong side.

Hopefully, now that things have been straightened out down at HQ, we can change their minds like we have so many others already; such wonderful places as Ted’s hot dogs (on Delaware), the Laundry Lounge, Xtreme Wheels and, my personal fave, Lucky’s Texas Red Hot’s (they have me eating pork for the first time in years!!) have all gone from hating the distasteful Beast to placing advertisements in The BEST. It’s really amazing what accepting Bush into your life does for one. My Uncle now respects me as a person, rather than saying things like, “Rumsfeld didn’t know about it. It’s your fault the country is in the state it’s in” over Mother’s Day dinner. I now feel bad for Rumsfeld; he’s such a cute little guy.

An unlikely new sport, representing the Beast?

I stroll into this joint called Trio’s on Broadway, moving towards Union from Bailey. This particular portion of Broadway is known for its lovely industrial wasteland scent—especially when it’s warm outside. So Trio’s is a little hole that allows us to leave the Beast, it usually moves a good amount of paper, and it seems like it would be a nice little spot to grab a drink. The reason I mention it is that my favorite sport is women’s softball, and these especially rotund, loud and smart women, who I would love to leave my lady for, were in the place swearing, slapping fives—all the things that softball gamers do. To be precise, in the place were five John Krukettes and four Cecily Fielders—all beautiful women at their masculine best. The Beast Lady’s softball team will be clashing with Trio’s Trouncers next week at Cazenovia Park in Beautiful South Buffalo. Hope to see you there. The game is sponsored by Coor’s Light, because what’s softball with out that rocky mountain taste?




 

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