BEAST is Dead, Long live The BEST!

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Top 10 Reasons to Vote Republican

Why The Environment Doesn't Matter- Al Uthman

Banal Retentive - Matt Taibbi

The Beer Mystic Manifesto - Paul Salamone

Matt Taibbi Comes Clean on Abu Ghraib

A Gallivan's Life  - Seamus Gallivan

ArtVoice Review -Tone At


Buffalo in Briefs


Sports Blotter - Matt Taibbi

Page 3

Separated at Birth???


Craig's Reading Corner

[sic] - your letters



Kino Korner

Roland Emmerich Interview


BEAST BASH A Baffling Success!!


Baby Steps Review Cubby



Deep Fried - Jason Yungbluth

Bob the Angry Flower - Stephen Notely

Unbalanced Load - Darren Longo

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A Gallivan's Life

"Gee willickers, this is gonna be the best week ever," I shouted as I leaped out of bed Monday morning. Over the next five days, I had a dreamy date, a bunch of baseball games, a meeting with a real live rock star, a trip to another country, a big Olympic showdown, and a huge BEST party!

Since it was such a beautiful day, I went on a bike ride through Lasalle Park and wished a good week to all. First there was Buffalo Police Officer McGrath. "Morning Officer, make sure all those dogs are leashed!"

Then I saw the old friendly bum who only gets off his bike to pick up cans. "Don't bother with that one, Rosco," I said. "No refund on Aunt Rosie's!"

I was having so much fun feeding the Canada geese that I almost forgot about my lunch meeting at Artone's Pizza in South Buffalo! I raced home and jumped in my car to get BEST editor Al, and were a little late. I felt awful, but luckily BEST ad guru Rob was already there with the manager Chuck. It was an awesome lunch - Chuck made us one of the best steak hoagies ever, but golly, sometimes Rob doesn't stop talking forever and it gives me a headache. My dad says that's what salesmen do, but I get kinda scared when Rob refers to closing a deal as "orgasmic."

I took my dreamy date Jeni to the Bisons game that night with plans on talking about big Buffalo music events with Robby from the Goo Goo Dolls after. I told Robby we could meet at Frizzy's, where the grooviest band in town, Lazlo Hollyfeld, was playing, and he said, "See you there!" I was excited to get Robby's help for the blues festival I'm helping to put on because his Music Is Art festival is gonna be so awesome, but I was worried because the night before, when I told him I'd be at the Tudor Lounge watching the greatest band of all-time the Jony James Blues Band, he said, "See you there!" But he never came.
No Robby after Lazlo's amazing set, and I wondered if I was looking hard enough - maybe he was hiding behind his hair like in all his videos. Jeni said I was cooler than the Goo Goo Dolls anyway, and even though it was way past both our bedtimes when I brought her home, it was well worth it.

By Wednesday morning, I was in Toronto with my mom's special ed. class, and after a long day at the Ontario Science Museum, we had a big group sing-along to the video for Hoobastank's #1 smash hit "The Reason" before calling it a night.
After a Thursday morning tour of the CN Tower, we had lunch at the Hard Rock Cafe in Skydome, which featured lousy food and the most beautiful waitress who has ever lived. When YMCA came on the TVs, a wild dance party began with conga lines, people standing on chairs and tables, and allowing Jeff to eat everyone's abandoned French fries. When the mayhem died down, I asked the heavenly waitress to join us later at Medieval Times, but she had to work at another restaurant, leaving my dreams shattered. We were given a hasty tour of Skydome by a snooty employee, which was just fine with me, because I hate domed, turf stadiums.

Everything was so authentic at Medieval Times - the costumes were shiny, and the food had real medieval names! One surprising thing I learned was how many vendors they had in the Coliseum in those days - apparently they sold Knights of the Round coloring books, neon swords and roses, and glossy pictures - who knew they had all those cool things a thousand years ago!
Back at the hotel, I was watching some footage from Iraq and was taken back by Kyle's interest, so I asked him what he thought about the war. Though Jeff wasn't interested in Kyle's thoughts at first, instead giving him bunny ears, soon there were five of us having an amazing discussion about the world around us.

"It makes me sad that so many Iraqi children have to die," lamented Kyle.
"We don't need to make so many bombs," added Jeff.
"Saddam and Osama weren't working together - they hate each other as much as they hate us," said Justin.
"Can you imagine, waking up in the morning and not having no water or bread? Look at all the snacks we have here - we take it for granted," leveled Dan.

I was simply the moderator, and the longer we talked, the more stunning was the realization that there was more common sense and compassion in this roomful of special ed. students than the average office water cooler. It was both enlivening and frightful.
Back in the good ol' US of A on Friday, my Roasted Pepper softball team was patiently awaiting their all-star shortstop. Border issues made me a little late - perhaps the main reason why we lost, but we had fun anyway. I felt bad in letting my team down, and promised to have a huge game next week.

Saturday morning was the big Erie County Special Olympics meet. After months of rigorous training, my athlete, Eric, came away with three ribbons - two for third place and one for fourth! It was wonderful day full of frantic cheering, jumping around, high fives and hugs, and singing Beach Boys songs. Eric made me so proud I wanted to cry.

At night was the humungous BEST Bash at the Tudor Lounge, which promised to be the greatest party ever! We had so much free stuff and really cool music, too. The first band, Anal Pudding, was kind of gross and scary, but then Lazlo Hollyfeld took over and kicked butt! Lots of people came and told us how much they love the BEST, and it made us feel great. So did all the free drinks! Everyone got silly, and people were walking around like they were on a rocking ship at sea. It was crazy! I can't wait for the next BEST Bash!

So now it's Sunday, and all I want to do is lay in bed, but the BEST never sleeps. Mr. Fallon asked me to write about some of my favorite new albums - you can read about them in Audio Files. This was the best week ever, and boy, it sure will be tough to make next week even better, but I'm gonna try!

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2004 The Beast