MY CATS ARE THE CUTEST
A BEAST Reader Opinion
Cats are everywhere these days-in the U.S. there are 85 million
of them, and that's not including the strays! Of course, all of
our furry feline friends are beautiful in their own way, and most
just really darned cute. But my cats are definitely the cutest ones
It's really pretty obvious, if you look at these photos. I know,
I know-you think your cats are cute, too. But just look at mine!
They're so darned cute! I really think if everyone came over to
my house and dangled a string over Bubbles and Miss Kitty, they
would be forced to agree that my, mischievous, playful, and clever
beauties make their cats look like total crap.
One of them always follows me around-it's so cute! She just wants
to be petted! The other one loves to play with the water dripping
from the kitchen faucet-how funny! Of course, it's not all fun and
games-they poop in a box just like all the rest. But knowing I'm
taking care of my little perfect fuzzballs makes even scoop duty
One time, I thought I lost Bubbles-I
was frantic! A couple of hours later, I found her-in the cupboard
under the bathroom sink! It was so cute! They love to sleep in the
laundry hamper, too, and in my lap-that's the best. Another thing
that makes them the cutest cats alive is how they take turns chasing
each other around the house, and how they jump out at my feet like
they're hunting-that's so precious! They make cute little noises,
too, not loud, scratchy noises like other cats.
My kitties are so adorable and entertaining I talk about them all
day. This has alienated some of my former friends, but that just
leaves more time for
throwing balls of tinfoil, which my cats go nuts for! I really think
people are just jealous of me and my wonderful cats, because if
they had cats like mine, they wouldn't have to worry anymore about
the stress and struggle of everyday life; the career, the burdensome
social relationships, the pointless pursuit of sex-all they'd have
to do is sit at home and try to pick them up without getting scratched.
My cats fart when I pick them up-it's sooo cute!
Why are my cats so special? I just can't say. I picked them up
at an animal shelter just like anyone else, but when I first laid
eyes on my little kitties, I knew I had found a pair worth more
than the highest-priced Siamese purebreds. I'm not the only one
who thinks my cats are so cute, either. Many people have seen them
and said "aren't they the cutest" right away. That's because
they are. They are the cutest, and anyone who says any different
is just wrong.
I don't think I'll ever get another cat
that would be weird,
and cruel to the new cat, because it could never possibly match
the perfection of the cats I have now. I think my only option is
to have them cloned-that'll probably be available in ten years or
so, I think. That way, I'll always have the best, cutest cats in
the world. And I'll never need to be intimate with another being
that can speak or leave the house.
You may have cats, and you may love them, but mine are simply cuter-you
have to admit it. I hope that knowing about my superb cats doesn't
diminish in any way the love you have for your own. After all, we
can't all be so lucky. My cats are just more special, and you'll
just have to live with it. I, on the other hand, must count my lucky
stars every day for granting me these cuddly wonders of ideal feline
grace. My cats are the cutest.
Norah Thickly is a 47 year-old resident of Buffalo's West Side.
A former receptionist and set designer, she now has her groceries
delivered. And only speaks to "outsiders" through AOL