BEAST PAGE 3
Name: David Hasselhoff
Turn-ons: Me, my chest, my car, my
voice, Germany, facelifts, Bacardi and Diet Coke
Turn-offs: Pamela Anderson, "Knight
Rider" jokes, cops who won't play ball
How I became THE
BEAST PAGE 3 Inebriated Celebrity Jerk:
So I like to have a few before cruising Ventura Boulevard, so what?
Look, I'm David Hasselhoff, dammit! I had the most popular show
in the world, and I'm personally responsible for the demolition
of the Berlin Wall. I'm tall and handsome, not to mention good-looking.
I don't care if I was commanding my car to give me oxygen; those
cops were dicks, and they'll pay.
Future Plans: My immediate plans involve
nothing more than a nice bottle of rum and a couple of high class
hookers. Then maybe a drive to the beach. Also, I'm making a rap
album with Ice T. No, really.
How I would like to be remembered: As
the leader of the free world. It's bound to happen sooner or later.
I'm much better looking than George Bush or Arnold Schwarzenegger,
and I can deliver my lines a hell of a lot better. Yo, corporate
oligarchs-check me out!