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Illegal Operation: The Brave New World of Elections Fixing - Al Uthman

Great Taste, Less Killng! Elections, Beer, and Irony - Matt Taibbi

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The Lottery Nobody Wins: The New Draft - Eric Gauchat

ABC of Opportunism: Betrayed in Haiti - Stan Goff

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Greens Wave the White Flag: Not Crashing the Party- Matt Taibbi


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2004 The Beast

The BEAST PAGE 3
Utterly Superfluous Feature Story


Name: "Sick Puppies"

Turn-ons: Middle-class Caucasians, border inspectors, long walks on the beach

Turn-offs: Mexicans, mixed breeds, cold weather

How I Became The BEAST PAGE 3 Utterly Superfluous Feature Story: I have no fucking clue. Why the hell a paper purporting to cover Buffalo would run me, a local interest story from 3,000 miles away, is totally beyond me. I even refer to my original publisher, San Diego Citybeat, in the text of my story. That plus the lack of teasers for other stories on the cover makes me think that ArtVoice must have been eating their deadline pretty damn bad. Even so, couldn't an AAN member get a more appropriate reprint than this? Nobody from Mexico wants to sell you a puppy, Buffalo, sick or otherwise.

Future Plans: Oh, I'll be spending another week or so in bathrooms and blowing around in alleys around Western New York, but after that it's back into my writer's portfolio for me. I don't expect to ever see the light of day again after that, at least not this far east.

How I would like to be remembered: If I have just scared the crap out of one middle-aged housewife in Akron for no good reason whatsoever, then my meaningless remote publication will have been worth it. I'd also like to be remembered as more visually appealing than blank white space, and a good excuse to print pictures of cute puppies. Ole!



 

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