Illegal Operation: The Brave New World of Elections Fixing - Al Uthman

Great Taste, Less Killng! Elections, Beer, and Irony - Matt Taibbi

Udderly Disgusting: The Horrors of Dairy- Ian Murphy

The Lottery Nobody Wins: The New Draft - Eric Gauchat

ABC of Opportunism: Betrayed in Haiti - Stan Goff

Kenny Boy and George: The Enron White House - William Rivers Pitt

Greens Wave the White Flag: Not Crashing the Party- Matt Taibbi

Masiello Hair Crisis: The BEAST Poll

Special Ad Section (FUNNY!)


Buffalo in Briefs

I Hate You: Alternate Parking


Sports Blotter - Matt Taibbi

Tail Hunt - Zac Gersh

Separated at Birth?

Page 3

[sic] - your letters



I Witless News - I. Gonzalez

Deep Fried - Jason Yungbluth

Bob The Angry Flower - Stephen Notley


Kino Korner

Kino Spotlight: The Twilight Samurai


AudioFiles: Roots, Nas, Hollywood Rose


Archives--Old BEASTs

Contact Us


2004 The Beast

Utterly Superfluous Feature Story

Name: "Sick Puppies"

Turn-ons: Middle-class Caucasians, border inspectors, long walks on the beach

Turn-offs: Mexicans, mixed breeds, cold weather

How I Became The BEAST PAGE 3 Utterly Superfluous Feature Story: I have no fucking clue. Why the hell a paper purporting to cover Buffalo would run me, a local interest story from 3,000 miles away, is totally beyond me. I even refer to my original publisher, San Diego Citybeat, in the text of my story. That plus the lack of teasers for other stories on the cover makes me think that ArtVoice must have been eating their deadline pretty damn bad. Even so, couldn't an AAN member get a more appropriate reprint than this? Nobody from Mexico wants to sell you a puppy, Buffalo, sick or otherwise.

Future Plans: Oh, I'll be spending another week or so in bathrooms and blowing around in alleys around Western New York, but after that it's back into my writer's portfolio for me. I don't expect to ever see the light of day again after that, at least not this far east.

How I would like to be remembered: If I have just scared the crap out of one middle-aged housewife in Akron for no good reason whatsoever, then my meaningless remote publication will have been worth it. I'd also like to be remembered as more visually appealing than blank white space, and a good excuse to print pictures of cute puppies. Ole!


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