WHY ISN'T JOEL IN JAIL?
again, another poll from the streets of Buffalo. More tough questions
for the average citizen to answer for the pleasure and amusement of
BEAST readers. Last issue, we took a look at the pressing issue of
Tony Masiello's balding, and this time we're pummeling right on with
the real, important questions we want answered. Our intern, armed
with nothing but a pen and a willingness to bother as many people
as possible, struck out with one burning question to ask: Why isn't
Joel Giambra in Jail?
We here at the Beast are truly mystified. I mean, awhile
back, Nancy Naples found that great big chunk of millions in Joel's
buddy's ass-pocket, and he got away with issuing his own "independent"
investigation. His driver, who makes more money than the county sheriff,
illegally had a county weapon to protect Joel with, but is suffering
no penalty. There are almost certainly a slew of other offenses waiting
to be discovered. But what do you think about it, we wondered?
Again, we gave average people who live in Erie County
a number of choices (4-any more than that, and the intern gets all
screwed up), which are generally disregarded by the public, and the
results of this scientific and magical process produce a nice-looking
chart with numbers, and the article you're reading now. We asked 67
people, and the results are plain.
From the start, one choice outpaced the other comments,
and not surprisingly, most people think Joel must be hooked up with
the mob. Really. You know, it's not that tough to believe
manages to make millions disappear, has a squad of 'investigators'
looking for the money trail and a hired gun for a driver, who makes
81 grand a year - half of which will probably come back to Joel by
Coming in next were the improvised theories of the people,
collectively known as "other." Proving once again that our
intern is lame and needs better questions, answers in this category
ranged from "Joel is the true Antichrist" to alien mind
control, blackmail, and one very interesting comment, that "the
law is putty beneath Joel's fingers"
The third most popular reason Joel Giambra isn't behind
bars: his place and station in the world. This is plausible, too,
and the more serious-minded pollees seemed to agree that abuse of
power and getting off without a slap is par for the course. As County
Exec, Joel gets to confer with judges, sheriffs, local prosecutors,
and just about anyone else involved in the justice process. The iron
fist, or the greasy palm, of Giambra must've quieted up his opponents,
as none are willing to speak out against him.
The rest of the poll results were lackluster, with only
a handful of people believing that it was either his dashing good
looks, natural charisma and winning smile, or that he plain old hasn't
done anything wrong. We feel it's only fair to tell you that some
of these people may not speak a word of English.
The results are clear, and the people have said it.
Joel's a crook, plain and simple, and just like Nixon, Clinton, or
Manson, he needs to be held accountable. He's a municipal Kenny Lay,
stealing our cash, and paying his buddies and his muscle, all of whom
will certainly catch him on the flipside. It seems the clock has already
passed on Giambra's chance at re-election. Now, if only he could find
a way to buy his way into power