Dems Agog! The DNC Got No Soul - Al Uthman

Narc de Triomphe: Kerry Loves the Drug War - Matt Taibbi

Whores of Babble-On: Dems Silence Speaks Volumes- Chuck Richardson

Control Freaks: Will The Control Board Save Us? - Eric Gauchat

Jesus and Kirk do Darien Lake: Kingdom Bound 2004 - Ken Barnes

Puberty and Bad Politics: Alt Press Crumbles Under BEAST Sanctions - Al Uthman

The DNC Shuffle: Special Dance Instruction Chart (plus page 3)

Dead/Not Dead? A BEAST Quiz

Same Sex Marriage Ban: Gay? - Scott Borchert and Dan Cory

Joel in Jail?: The BEAST Poll


Buffalo in Briefs

Libel Corner: Subway Cannibals, Wal-Mart Corpses


Sports: Run, Ricky, Run - Matt Taibbi

[sic] - your letters


I Witless News - I. Gonzalez

Deep Fried - Jason Yungbluth

Bob The Angry Flower - Stephen Notley


Kino Korner


AudioFiles: Ghostface Killah, Mclusky, Blitz, Artists Over Industry, Alexisonfire

Lowest of the Low Interview


Archives--Old BEASTs

Contact Us


2004 The Beast


Back again, another poll from the streets of Buffalo. More tough questions for the average citizen to answer for the pleasure and amusement of BEAST readers. Last issue, we took a look at the pressing issue of Tony Masiello's balding, and this time we're pummeling right on with the real, important questions we want answered. Our intern, armed with nothing but a pen and a willingness to bother as many people as possible, struck out with one burning question to ask: Why isn't Joel Giambra in Jail?

We here at the Beast are truly mystified. I mean, awhile back, Nancy Naples found that great big chunk of millions in Joel's buddy's ass-pocket, and he got away with issuing his own "independent" investigation. His driver, who makes more money than the county sheriff, illegally had a county weapon to protect Joel with, but is suffering no penalty. There are almost certainly a slew of other offenses waiting to be discovered. But what do you think about it, we wondered?

Again, we gave average people who live in Erie County a number of choices (4-any more than that, and the intern gets all screwed up), which are generally disregarded by the public, and the results of this scientific and magical process produce a nice-looking chart with numbers, and the article you're reading now. We asked 67 people, and the results are plain.

From the start, one choice outpaced the other comments, and not surprisingly, most people think Joel must be hooked up with the mob. Really. You know, it's not that tough to believe….he manages to make millions disappear, has a squad of 'investigators' looking for the money trail and a hired gun for a driver, who makes 81 grand a year - half of which will probably come back to Joel by campaign time.

Coming in next were the improvised theories of the people, collectively known as "other." Proving once again that our intern is lame and needs better questions, answers in this category ranged from "Joel is the true Antichrist" to alien mind control, blackmail, and one very interesting comment, that "the law is putty beneath Joel's fingers"

The third most popular reason Joel Giambra isn't behind bars: his place and station in the world. This is plausible, too, and the more serious-minded pollees seemed to agree that abuse of power and getting off without a slap is par for the course. As County Exec, Joel gets to confer with judges, sheriffs, local prosecutors, and just about anyone else involved in the justice process. The iron fist, or the greasy palm, of Giambra must've quieted up his opponents, as none are willing to speak out against him.

The rest of the poll results were lackluster, with only a handful of people believing that it was either his dashing good looks, natural charisma and winning smile, or that he plain old hasn't done anything wrong. We feel it's only fair to tell you that some of these people may not speak a word of English.

The results are clear, and the people have said it. Joel's a crook, plain and simple, and just like Nixon, Clinton, or Manson, he needs to be held accountable. He's a municipal Kenny Lay, stealing our cash, and paying his buddies and his muscle, all of whom will certainly catch him on the flipside. It seems the clock has already passed on Giambra's chance at re-election. Now, if only he could find a way to buy his way into power…



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