DJ's NOTES FROM THE BIG HOUSE
of you guys may recall back in 1999 when a certain dentist of East Indian
origin named Dr. Tejir Oberoi was arrested for fraud, allegedly charging
up to two thousand dollars for root canal work performed on healthy
patients who were only there for a teeth cleaning, and charging for
crowns and other assorted cosmetic work while never actually performing
the agreed upon services, or even having met the “patients.”
Well, the orally fixated sultan of sadistic surgery has
now joined us bottom-dwellers here at “Club Delaware,” formerly known
as the “Gallivan Center for the socially rejected” and now commonly
known as the dreaded Erie County Holding Center.
Anyway, I see this blabbering quack three to five times
a week in the law library, now that he blew such large numbers into
his probation officer's handheld breathalyzer that he was consequently
removed from circulation on the pre-trial release program.
This maniac has gone through "two million" bucks
and "five" lawyers before accusing the prosecutors and his
own lawyers of a "plot" against him. This "plot"
is designed to thwart his moving forward with a patent for his self-invented
procedure for totally removing a patient’s mandible (jawbone for you
grade school dropouts), placing it on his "work-bench," making
any needed repairs and/or cosmetic improvements, and then returning
it intact to it's former position in your mouth. Whoa!
Hey, I don't know about you guys out there in readerland,
and I am no doctor, but aren't there quite a few things keeping that
good old jawbone connected?
Out of your mouth, fixed, and back, all in the aftermath
of what? A few units of Novocain and a two-hour office visit? And then
right on to munching peanut brittle?
The demented dentist claims that the "government"
and all the "other dentists in America" want this procedure
to remain "unknown," or otherwise it may "revolutionize
Yeah right! "Hey doc, could ya take out my mandible
and do it over there on your workbench? My gag reflex is such that your
beard hanging in my mouth will make me puke."
The demented dentist of doom claims to be "Harvard-educated,”
but reading between the lines (as I sometimes do) I discovered that
this translates into him actually meaning that some dude named "Harvey"
ran the Indian dental school that licensed this madman after practicing
on goats and passing the minimum of fifty questions on a 100 question
Now here's the real cavity in this sordid saga of oral
nightmares. Since the devilish dentist now defends himself pro se
with his whacked out motions and bizarre demands of the judge, who
he claims drank all his single-malt scotch one day at his home, he now
receives endless free copies and endless free postage to the tune of
300 dollars a month! That's right, three hundred bucks a month!
Well, I am hardly a Ted Kaczynski
when it comes to college-level math, but at 10¢ a copy this guy
is running close to 2,500 copies a month and has at least 20,000 sheets
of taxpayer-funded paper in his deluxe suite (about two small trees’
Oh, and not to mention that each time the dentist of doom
demands access to the law library he verbally assaults his female keeper
with every insult known to East Indian wife-beaters and some that are
only known and kept secret by demented dentists. Normally such behavior
be met with the appropriate beating and five consecutive
meals of our wonderful goulash, but for reasons known only to the keepers
and the Feds he is accorded a "waiver" of some description,
whatever that means.
The worst part of this bizarre tale is that the lowly
taxpayer must finance this nutcase and his "defense" no matter
what it seems that he decides should be part of it.
And I can't get 10 minutes alone with a prostitute who’s
already here! Wait, if I fired my lawyer....
What next? Late night "escorts" to relieve his
stress? A fifth of single-malt to grease the judge?
The problem that I have with all of this is the fact that
this madman has a 600 hundred thousand dollar home in the ‘burbs, two
BMWs and two daughters in Ivy League schools.
Free copies! Free postage! This guy ripped off the insurance
companies, Medicaid, and hundreds if not thousands of his former patients,
and him wanting free anything makes me sicker than Sunday’s goulash.
The moral of this sordid story: Never trust a dentist
with rotten and crooked teeth, and a beard long enough to be braided
into an escape rope from the third floor of this dump.