Pestering our Overlords: NYC Welcomes the President - Matt Higgins

Greatest American Zero: Sabres Rattle for RNC Cattle- Al Uthman

Purchasing Power to the People: Slogans Sell at RNC Protests- Ken Barnes

Dogfight: The Gendered Degeneration of Politics - Stan Goff

Milk Spilled, Thousands Die: Washington Post Refuses to Cry - Matt Taibbi

Music Download Blues: What to do if You're Busted - Stephanie Cole


COBRA Joins Forces With al Qaeda

Barney Frank admits Heterosexual Affair, Resigns- Jake Novak

Local Man Wets Bed, Blames Dog

Racist, Sexist or Ludacris? - a PC Quiz

Special Ad Section (funny!)


Buffalo in Briefs


True Horrors of Local Bureacracy - Jonathon Chance

Notes from the Big House

Ask Dr. Rotten: Growing your best bud

Taste the Truth: our new food column- "Fats" O'Leary

Page 3

Separated at Birth?

[sic] - your letters



Kino Korner


AudioFiles: Hives, Brand Nubian, MF Doom, Rise Against, Dillinger Escape Plan



I Witless News - I. Gonzalez

Deep Fried - Jason Yungbluth

Bob The Angry Flower - Stephen Notley

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Archives--Old BEASTs






© 2004 The Beast

I am a first-time grower. Here’s a picture of one of my plants that started to seed. How long do have to wait before I can harvest this plant?

Dirk L., Buffalo

Go to this plant as fast as you can, Dirk, and yank it out. It is a male plant, and those are pollen sacs, not seeds. They usually open up when your other plants are starting to bloom. The pollen can travel for miles from wind, animals, and insects. I suggest you go out and buy yourself a book by either Mel Franks or Ed Rosenthal before you waste your time growing again. Male plants are useless, unless you’re trying to develop a new strain.

Cannabis is one of the only plants that can turn from female to male at anytime. This could be from stress from under-watering, heating, or letting light in during a dark cycle, If you have to go into your indoor room, use a green light bulb. Even 5 minutes of white light during this time could fuck up your crop, giving you a seedy batch. 

Last season my plants looked good but did not get me high. The shit tasted good, looked great but I smoked tons of it and did not catch a buzz. Why?

John P., Niagara Falls

John, the seeds are the most important thing when growing. You didn’t mention if you grew from seeds or clones, or where the seeds came from. From all the information you gave me, my guess would be you got your seeds from a bag of commercial weed. If you grow shit seeds you will get shit weed. Even if you got the seeds from decent bag, you have no clue what the father plant was like, and that determines the quality. Sounds like you grew yourself some schwag. Spend some money and get some quality seeds, or better yet, find a friend who is growing the KB and get a clone. The clone will be exactly what the mother plant is. If you have to purchase seeds, make sure you use a reputable seed bank. Seeds run anywhere from $50 to $400 for 10. Make sure when ordering your seeds to find out if they are indoor, outdoor, or both.

I have been buying tons of cheap weed from Canada. It looks great when it ain’t wet, but there is no smell to it. I have to smoke 3 or 4 blunts to get high, and I get a headache. What the hell am I smoking?

Kenny  G., Lewiston

Kenny, save your money. You are buying B.C. bud, otherwise known as “beasters” in this area. This is almost placebo weed—very low THC content. Canucks grow this for quantity, not quality. They have been shoving this shit down our trachea for years, but dumb shits like you always buy it, because it looks pretty. But looks aren’t everything; some of the best blowjobs I ever got were from ugly chicks. Do yourself a favor: buy American or grow your own. Most of the high-grade weed is so pungent you can smell it through the bag, and it will fill the air in a room once you open it. You can open up a pound of beasters and not catch a fucking whiff of it. This shit is really popular with the younger crowd, and dumb fucks who don’t know better.  During the drought last summer, beasters was going for $2600 to $3200 a pound; prices now range from $1800 to $2400 in the U.S. (it’s half the price in Canada). Those prices are still sky high for this garbage. High Quality buds in the states are going for $4000 to $6000 a pound for some one-hitter quitter shit. You get 10 times as high and it lasts 4 times as long.

I have plants on my back patio in pots, so I can bring them in at night. My problem is my plants are so small. What can I do about it?

Tony D., Lockport

Check the size of your pots, Tony. Small pots are going to make your plants root bound. They get stressed out and remain small. The bigger the pot, the bigger the plant. Most people use 3-5 gallon pots. Make sure there is drainage at the bottom. Constantly feed your plants. There is a different food for each cycle. Why you are taking your plants in at night I have no idea; it is perfectly safe to leave them out at night, unless you are worried about theft. I suggest you transplant your plants into 3-gallon pots minimum. Be careful not to hurt the roots when doing this, and do it in the evening to reduce stress. Keep an eye on the plant to make sure that it doesn’t start to wilt.

I am growing indoors, and the temperature is about 110 degrees with the lights on. My plants look nothing like my winter crop did. Do you think the heat is affecting them?

Max F., West Side

Definitely, Max. Heat causes numerous problems: your plants will be growing looser buds, you will probably have a taste difference, weight loss, and of course stress, which can produce male pollen sacs on your female buds. The preferred temp is 80 degrees, give or take 5 degrees. You can drop the temp in your room by putting an air conditioner in if possible. Always have fans blowing in the room; air movement is very important even in the winter. It will make your stems stronger, and give the plants the feeling that they’re outdoors. If an air conditioner is impossible, you can try to use a swamp cooler—they are popular on the West Coast. A swamp cooler is just a big fan with a water trough. They’re very cheap to use—approximately 2 to 3 cents an hour to run. It should drop the temp down 10 degrees. Another thing you can do is put some ductwork in there with hurricane squirrel cage fans to suck out the heat. Also try to have your lights run at night, just make sure no one can see them from outside.

I have problem with Animals eating my plants. Any suggestions?

Tom S., Grand Island

You did not say what types of animals are eating your plants, Tom. More than likely it’s rabbits or deer. The easiest way to solve this problem is put a fence around your plants, but in most cases, this draws too much attention. What you can do is, every time you go out to your plants, piss around the perimeter. The animals will smell the piss and it should keep them away. You can also buy predator urine (fox, coyote, etc) and sprinkle it around the area. Make sure you don’t get it on yourself, because it stinks worse than Abe Vigoda. You can also get garlic sticks to put around your plants; you can pick them out at any nursery or grow shop.

Send your pictures, questions, and goodie baskets to:


100 South Elmwood Ave

Buffalo, NY 14202


Please make sure the pictures are clear; we’ve been getting a lot of them that are unusable.

Feeding your plants at the budding stage

The budding stage should have started on your plants about a week ago. Most plants start to bud when there are 12 hours of daylight and 12 hours of night. You should notice either small buds or little hairs on your plants. If everything goes right, in 6 to 8 weeks they will be nice big buds. This has been a terrible year for most outdoor growers, due to the lack of sun and the constant rain, so try to make the most of what you have.

Right now, your plants should be fed with a blooming formula fertilizer. Go to your local   nursery or grow store; they should have many different fertilizers to choose from. If you are using organic, stay organic. If you are using chemicals, don’t mix the two unless instructed to; the chemicals usually kill the organic fertilizers. The last week of bloom, give your plants strictly water, to wash out all the chemicals. This way, you’ll get the true taste of your buds, and you won’t have to worry about inhaling those chemicals.

The most common mistake is picking the plant too early: a bud the size of a pop can will only be as big around as your thumb when dried. If you wait too long, on the other hand, the plants start to lose their potency. You have about a seven-day window to pick your buds when they are in their prime. Use a magnifying glass on your plant, looking at the white hairs. When they start to bulge at the top and turn red, it’s usually the best time to yield your harvest. Be sure to check your buds for mold; with all this rain, everyone has had problems. Mold usually starts on the inside of the bud.

Next issue: drying techniques.

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