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Features:

Mayoral Survivor Contest: The BEAST Wants You to Run for Mayor!

Truth is Overrated: Why Does My TV Think Bush Won the Debate? - Al Uthman

Political Snickering: M&M/Mars' Campaign of Terror - Matt Taibbi

Big Brother Knows Best: Blockbuster Rents Bogus Fahrenheit 9/11 DVDs - Paco Alameda

Scary Little Man: Bush's Belligerence -William Rivers Pitt

Kneeling Before George: President Bush is a Serious Stud - Merry Dunce, the Beast's "Fresh Voice"

American Indian Museum Opens in DC, Promptly Stolen by American History Museum -Jake Novak

Reading the Blitz: Election Hacks Score Touchdown in Overtime Frenzy - Matt Taibbi

Freedumb: Zell Miller Echoes Militaristic Fallacy - Mark Golden




Departments:

Buffalo in Briefs

BEAST-O-Scopes

Notes from the Big House

The Straight Dope w/ Dr Rotten

Brush with Greatness: I met Gretzky - Seamus Gallivan

Page 3

Separated at Birth?

[sic] - Letters




Entertainment:

Movies:

Kino Korner

Music:

Album Reviews: Tom Waits, De La Soul

Events:

Misfits Roadie's Haunted House -Ken Barnes

Beastivities

Sports:

High Quality Losers: Numbers Game Pays little for Bills -Ronnie Roscoe



Comix:

Deep Fried - Jason Yungbluth

Bob The Angry Flower - Stephen Notley



Contact Us

MERCHANDISE



Archives--Old BEASTs

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2004 The Beast

 

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MAYORAL SURVIVOR: A BEAST CONTEST

ATTENTION BEAST READERS! The BEAST needs you to be the next Mayor of our dear city. That's right! We want you, a lowly loyal BEAST reader, to be the next Mayor of the city of Buffalo. WE ARE TOTALLY SERIOUS! We are launching a search for 16 contestants willing to run for the position of Mayor in 2005...


Truth is Overrated Al Uthman

It's been almost a week since the second Presidential debate, and I'm still baffled at the post-debate coverage.

Well, no, that's not really true. I remember turning to a fellow viewer as we watched Bush go to pieces and saying, "watch; they're gonna come on and call it for Bush."


Political Snicker-ing Matt Taibbi

The good folks at M&M/Mars and BBDO New York have combined recently to give the world one of the more uplifting cinema experiences of the year: a series of commercials in which hapless, ambitionless zeroes with terrible haircuts make improbable journeys from their couches to the throne of mankind after eating Snickers bars.


Big Brother Knows Best Paco Alameda

True story: After eagerly awaiting the DVD release of Fahrenheit 9/11, I take a bus to The Hamburg, NY Blockbuster and ask the first friendly clerk I see to point me toward the new releases. He walks me over to the Fahrenheit 9/11 display and being a very helpful chap, takes a DVD, hands it to me and says "Is this what you were looking for?"


Scary Little Man William Rivers Pitt

George W. Bush, still smarting from his embarrassing performance in the Florida debate, decided on Friday night in St. Louis that volume was a good substitute for strength, that yelling would be mistaken for gravitas. The result was an ugly, disturbing, genuinely frightening show.

 


Kneeling Before George Merry Dunce

Man, It's so cool to have my own column. Now whenever I get mad that my liberal traitor colleagues are smarter than me, I can regurgitate White House talking points all over the region's only major newspaper! No need for boring insight or analysis; after all, I'm a Republican! We hate that brie-eating crap!

 


Reading the Blitz Matt Taibbi

Since this is a piece of campaign analysis, let's get right to the sports metaphors. As we know, every campaign writer has a designated quota of tired analogies to fill in each story, and I'm going to try to take care of mine right off the bat. I figure I get to rest my starters in the fourth quarter that way - assuming I build a big lead in the meat of the piece.


Buffalo in Briefs

Pound of Flesh Gets Heavier - We've been screaming about the shitty state of Erie County's fiscal affairs for awhile now and it seems no one's listening. If you were, you'd be out in the streets like a rabid dog, foaming at the mouth for a taste of Joel Giambra's flesh and blood. Maybe you will when he and the legislature raise the county sales tax to 9.25% and you realize a dime of every dollar you spend goes to quite possibly the most fucked up governmental body in a state that's already the most fucked up in the nation.