a little over a week after the spacious and beautiful Smithsonian
Museum of the American Indian was opened, officials from the American
History Museum have stolen the building for their own use, according
to reports from museum personnel.
we're all for worshipping the buffalo, or whatever the hell those
savages were doing, but we need more space for our new exhibit preserving
the exact 'Central Perk' set from Friends that we're putting right
next to Archie Bunker's chair and Fonzie's jacket," said museum
director Brent Glass. "We're talking priceless American history
here, people! And it really needed it's rightful place in front
of the American public."
the new exhibit is not the only reason why museum officials say
they needed the extra space.
cafeteria was getting really crowded around lunchtime, especially
when the junior high school tours came through," explained
Glass. "Now, we could just let them wait and take our chances
that they won't skedadle over to McDonald's, or we could build a
nice footbridge over to this new museum and set up a nice stir-fry
and corn dogs station right where they had that sacred Indian burial
think it was a no-brainer," he insisted.
did acknowledge that the news could be shocking to the 25,000 Native
Americans who made the trip to Washington from areas thousands of
miles away. But he also says that the museum is prepared to handle
keeping with traditional Native American economics, there will be
a trading system which will allow them to catch a glimpse of the
remnants of their museum, which are now stuffed into a storage locker
in the museum's basement," he said. "For example, they
can trade us five acres of their land for a five minute glimpse,
ten acres for a six minute glimpse, 20 acres for a six and a half
minute glimpse, et cetera. It's all very customary."
added that as a bonus, some Native Americans would receive special
diseases in their trades, as well.
addition, John V. Cogbill III, chairman of the National Capital
Planning Commission, says that the nation's capital is also prepared
for the massive influx of American Indians.
if they don't mind, we've set up a tent city, or 'reservation' if
you will, over in Rock Creek Park," he said. "Sure, there's
no real housing or any kind of decent facilities there, but we promise
to make it up to them by providing all of them with cheap booze
and cigarettes for the duration of their stay. Plus, they're free
to set up slots and other gaming tables in the park as much as they
at what was briefly the American Indian Museum, a lone man identified
as an Apache tribal chief has been standing vigil outside the building's
doors since the American History takeover. After a young boy walked
out of the museum gift shop and dropped trash -- most likely some
kind of product packaging -- on the street, the chief was seen with
a single tear spilling down his cheek.
kid just paid $13.50 for a lousy Smithsonian jumbo pencil,"
he muttered angrily.