SURVIVOR: A BEAST CONTEST
BEAST READERS! The BEAST needs you to be the next Mayor of our dear
city. That's right! We want you, a lowly loyal BEAST reader, to be
the next Mayor of the city of Buffalo. WE ARE TOTALLY SERIOUS! We
are launching a search for 16 contestants willing to run for the position
of Mayor in 2005...
is Overrated Al
been almost a week since the second Presidential debate, and I'm still
baffled at the post-debate coverage.
no, that's not really true. I remember turning to a fellow viewer
as we watched Bush go to pieces and saying, "watch; they're gonna
come on and call it for Bush."
good folks at M&M/Mars and BBDO New York have combined recently
to give the world one of the more uplifting cinema experiences of
the year: a series of commercials in which hapless, ambitionless zeroes
with terrible haircuts make improbable journeys from their couches
to the throne of mankind after eating Snickers bars.
Brother Knows Best Paco
story: After eagerly awaiting the DVD release of Fahrenheit 9/11,
I take a bus to The Hamburg, NY Blockbuster and ask the first friendly
clerk I see to point me toward the new releases. He walks me over
to the Fahrenheit 9/11 display and being a very helpful chap, takes
a DVD, hands it to me and says "Is this what you were looking
Little Man William
W. Bush, still smarting from his embarrassing performance in the Florida
debate, decided on Friday night in St. Louis that volume was a good
substitute for strength, that yelling would be mistaken for gravitas.
The result was an ugly, disturbing, genuinely frightening show.
Before George Merry
It's so cool to have my own column. Now whenever I get mad that my
liberal traitor colleagues are smarter than me, I can regurgitate
White House talking points all over the region's only major newspaper!
No need for boring insight or analysis; after all, I'm a Republican!
We hate that brie-eating crap!
the Blitz Matt
Since this is a piece of campaign
analysis, let's get right to the sports metaphors. As we know, every
campaign writer has a designated quota of tired analogies to fill
in each story, and I'm going to try to take care of mine right off
the bat. I figure I get to rest my starters in the fourth quarter
that way - assuming I build a big lead in the meat of the piece.
of Flesh Gets Heavier - We've been screaming about the
shitty state of Erie County's fiscal affairs for awhile now and it
seems no one's listening. If you were, you'd be out in the streets
like a rabid dog, foaming at the mouth for a taste of Joel Giambra's
flesh and blood. Maybe you will when he and the legislature raise
the county sales tax to 9.25% and you realize a dime of every dollar
you spend goes to quite possibly the most fucked up governmental body
in a state that's already the most fucked up in the nation.