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Mayoral Survivor Contest: The BEAST Wants You to Run for Mayor!

Truth is Overrated: Why Does My TV Think Bush Won the Debate? - Al Uthman

Political Snickering: M&M/Mars' Campaign of Terror - Matt Taibbi

Big Brother Knows Best: Blockbuster Rents Bogus Fahrenheit 9/11 DVDs - Paco Alameda

Scary Little Man: Bush's Belligerence -William Rivers Pitt

Kneeling Before George: President Bush is a Serious Stud - Merry Dunce, the Beast's "Fresh Voice"

American Indian Museum Opens in DC, Promptly Stolen by American History Museum -Jake Novak

Reading the Blitz: Election Hacks Score Touchdown in Overtime Frenzy - Matt Taibbi

Freedumb: Zell Miller Echoes Militaristic Fallacy - Mark Golden


Buffalo in Briefs


Notes from the Big House

The Straight Dope w/ Dr Rotten

Brush with Greatness: I met Gretzky - Seamus Gallivan

Page 3

Separated at Birth?

[sic] - Letters



Kino Korner


Album Reviews: Tom Waits, De La Soul


Misfits Roadie's Haunted House -Ken Barnes



High Quality Losers: Numbers Game Pays little for Bills -Ronnie Roscoe


Deep Fried - Jason Yungbluth

Bob The Angry Flower - Stephen Notley

Contact Us


Archives--Old BEASTs






2004 The Beast

My plants finally started budding in the first week of Sept. Will they finish off in time? What should I do?
Dick H, Depew

Most plants finish off in 6-8 weeks; others take 8-14 weeks. Hopefully, you grew an early-finishing strain. For now, you want to start using a blooming formula that will enhance the plants to start blooming, and give them the proper food they need. Then keep an eye on the outdoor temp-as long as we don't have an early frost you should be all right. If the temp drops too low at night, you can cover them with burlap-make sure you put a stake in the ground so you don't hurt your plants, or bring them in at night (make sure you leave them in the dark and put them back outside before sunlight-If not your plants can turn into hermaphrodites, female plants with male pollen sacs). Or you can cut them down early and hope they are all right. Wait until the night of the first frost, but make sure you take them down before it frosts. Keep checking for mold; it seems to be one of the biggest problems growers have had this season.

I have tried to grow in some pine tree forests for the last 3 years with no luck. The plants die out after the second or third week. I figured it would be good camouflage because the pine trees stay green all year. What am I doing wrong?
JB, Southern Tier

Wow what a dumb fuck you are. Didn't you notice that nothing grows under the pine trees? This is because the pine trees put out high acids. People, please use common sense: if you see nothing is growing, what makes you think your shit will grow there? Don't be an asshole and waste three years of your life like this dumb fuck. Find a new outdoor spot to grow where everything is nice and green, and look for a water supply close by.

I have some plants outside that are turning purple. This never happened all the times I grew indoors. Is this normal?
Jen F, Clarence

The cold nights make some plants turn purple, Jen. This will not make any difference in the quality of the plants, but it does impress some people to see purple weed. Some ignorant fuckers charge more for purple weed, slapping some bullshit name on the product. I suggest people do a taste-test if the price seems too high.

Me and my buddy bought clones from the same person at the same time, but his are 10 feet tall and mine are only 2-3 feet. What is the bastard doing that I am not?
Brian M, Niagara Falls On.

There can be a lot of things that cause this, Brian. The first possibility that comes to mind is that the clones are from different mothers. Since you didn't send me any pictures or more info on how you are growing, I can only give you a few guesses. The size of the clones can make a difference, not only the top of the clone but also the roots. If you're growing in pots, using a bigger pot makes a huge difference. If you are growing in the ground, the dirt, drainage, and location all come into play. The way you feed and water your plants can make a huge difference. The amount of sunlight can make a difference; 1 or 2 hours of shade can slow growth tremendously. Since your friend's plants are doing so well, I suggest you take some clones of his plant now!

Dr. Rotten's Helpful hint

One of the questions I get asked the most is "how can I increase my yield?" Many products claim they can double your harvest, but only a few really work. I am really impressed with The B'Cuzz line of products. They even have their own line of promix (soil). Start with B'Cuzz root stimulator for cloning. Use a cloning machine if possible using the bare root method. They should be ready to put in the dirt within 7-10 days. After putting the clones in dirt, start using B'Cuzz parts A & B. Use the product as directed. After one week add B'Cuzz PK 13-14 (using this can increase your yield by 50%, just using it in the last 2 weeks of budding, just think of what it will do if you use it all the way through). Add grow stimulator as needed, in S.O.G. (Sea of Green method) add bloom stimulator after the first week. If you are not using this method then add bloom when you switch your room to a 12-hour period. Make sure you use only plain water the last week of blooming; this cleans your soil and gives you the true taste of your buds.

Right now a lot of you growers out there are harvesting your crops. We would like to add a new feature where a few of us at the office will rate your buds, from every aspects, size, color, taste, and of course buzz. So please stop by the office and let us try some of your end results. Do not send them in the mail, stop by 100 S. Elmwood Ave. Buffalo, NY 14202 and give them to use. Every bud we get will put in a future issue of The Beast

Strain of the issue:
The Afghani part is a very short plant, 100% Indica and very resinous. The F-1 cross with Skunk #1 gives the variety a bigger yield and a better taste.
Very good "up" high. Very consistent.
Grow Location: Indoor
Flowering: Indoor 8-9 weeks; Outdoor 1st week Nov
Available at Sacred Seeds


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ATTENTION BEAST READERS! The BEAST needs you to be the next Mayor of our dear city. That's right! We want you, a lowly loyal BEAST reader, to be the next Mayor of the city of Buffalo. WE ARE TOTALLY SERIOUS! We are launching a search for 16 contestants willing to run for the position of Mayor in 2005...

Truth is Overrated Al Uthman

It's been almost a week since the second Presidential debate, and I'm still baffled at the post-debate coverage.

Well, no, that's not really true. I remember turning to a fellow viewer as we watched Bush go to pieces and saying, "watch; they're gonna come on and call it for Bush."

Political Snicker-ing Matt Taibbi

The good folks at M&M/Mars and BBDO New York have combined recently to give the world one of the more uplifting cinema experiences of the year: a series of commercials in which hapless, ambitionless zeroes with terrible haircuts make improbable journeys from their couches to the throne of mankind after eating Snickers bars.

Big Brother Knows Best Paco Alameda

True story: After eagerly awaiting the DVD release of Fahrenheit 9/11, I take a bus to The Hamburg, NY Blockbuster and ask the first friendly clerk I see to point me toward the new releases. He walks me over to the Fahrenheit 9/11 display and being a very helpful chap, takes a DVD, hands it to me and says "Is this what you were looking for?"

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