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Features:

Mayoral Survivor Contest: The BEAST Wants You to Run for Mayor!

Truth is Overrated: Why Does My TV Think Bush Won the Debate? - Al Uthman

Political Snickering: M&M/Mars' Campaign of Terror - Matt Taibbi

Big Brother Knows Best: Blockbuster Rents Bogus Fahrenheit 9/11 DVDs - Paco Alameda

Scary Little Man: Bush's Belligerence -William Rivers Pitt

Kneeling Before George: President Bush is a Serious Stud - Merry Dunce, the Beast's "Fresh Voice"

American Indian Museum Opens in DC, Promptly Stolen by American History Museum -Jake Novak

Reading the Blitz: Election Hacks Score Touchdown in Overtime Frenzy - Matt Taibbi

Freedumb: Zell Miller Echoes Militaristic Fallacy - Mark Golden




Departments:

Buffalo in Briefs

BEAST-O-Scopes

Notes from the Big House

The Straight Dope w/ Dr Rotten

Brush with Greatness: I met Gretzky - Seamus Gallivan

Page 3

Separated at Birth?

[sic] - Letters




Entertainment:

Movies:

Kino Korner

Music:

Album Reviews: Tom Waits, De La Soul

Events:

Misfits Roadie's Haunted House -Ken Barnes

Beastivities

Sports:

High Quality Losers: Numbers Game Pays little for Bills -Ronnie Roscoe



Comix:

Deep Fried - Jason Yungbluth

Bob The Angry Flower - Stephen Notley



Contact Us

MERCHANDISE



Archives--Old BEASTs

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2004 The Beast


CAPTAIN DICKHEAD

Re: ad in The Beast

Not only am I NOT interested, I think your paper is TRASH and that is where it ends up every time it is droped off to my establishment, so you can lower your circulation estimate.

Keith Morgan
Buffalo Brew Pub

Dear Keith,
Welcome to the shit list. We hope none of your cooks drops a box of ex-lax into your soup of the day. Can't wait to review you for the next issue and defecate in your urinals.


NOT STUCK UP, JUST BETTER

Hey Jonathon,
I read your recent article in The Beast about social service employees, when writing this piece you have made what was a critical error. You often referred to the civil servants, who in fact only passed a civil service exam to work for DSS, as social workers, which is entirely inaccurate. Social Workers are licensed professionals who must obtain a Master's Degree in Social Work to practice professionally and legally use the term social worker (true many do not abide by this law). I myself, as you surely surmised by now am a Licensed Social Worker who practices Clinical Social Work in the City of Buffalo, no I don't hand out checks and fill out paperwork all day (okay, there is paperwork) but I practice counseling and psychotherapy in a NYS licensed psychiatric clinic. In fact, 75% of psychotherapy in NYS is delivered by licensed social workers. I am sure you can infer a master's degree would not be required to process welfare applications. I'm not trying to get on a soapbox or anything but its frustrating when social workers are constantly and consistently portrayed in many forms of media as welfare workers, baby snatchers and meddling do-gooders. Anyway, that's enough from me, I just wanted to make you aware of what was in my opinion a critical error in your article.
Thanks
A disconcerted local social worker

Dear Disconcerted,
Sorry for the mix-up. We're sure you're never pedantic, or self-congratulatory for that matter.



ASSHOLE'S LETTER SPEAKS FOR ITSELF

MESSAGE TO ALL IRAQI'S. WE CAN'T DO EVERYTHING FOR YOU. YOU MUST HELP US TO TAKE BACK YOUR OWN COUNTRY. DO YOU WANT FREEDOM AND DEMOCRACY, OR DO YOU WANT TO GO BACK TO THE OLD DAYS OF RAPE ROOMS, TORTURE, AND MASS GRAVES. THE EXACT SAME THING HAPPENED IN VIETNAM. ONE SIDE WAS FIGHTING AND DOING EVERYTHING IT COULD TO WIN, WHILE THE OTHER SIDE DID NOTHING AND EXPECTED THE AMERICANS TO DO EVERYTHING FOR THEM. WHY ARE YOU HARBORING THESE TERRORIST INSURGENTS AMONGST YOURSELVES? IT APPEARS THAT YOU ARE NOT THEN ON OUR SIDE. IF WE RECEIVE GUNFIRE AND RPG FIRE FROM A BUILDING AND RETURN FIRE, THEN GUESS WHAT? DON'T BLAME US IF YOU AND YOUR FAMILY GETS HURT OR KILLED. JUST LIKE VIETNAM SOME FOUGHT BRAVELY ALONG SIDE OUR US TROOPS, BUT IT WASN'T ENOUGH. THERE ALSO WAS A MIXED SIGNAL COMING FROM THE PEOPLE OF AMERICA, THAT THEN PUT PRESSURE ON OUR GOVERNMENT TO FIGHT TO A TIE AT BEST. VIETNAM WAS A SMALL WW III, WITH THE WARSAW PACT VERSUS NATO. WE NEVER WENT IN TO VIETNAM TO WIN, BUT TO SHOW THAT WE WOULD FIGHT COMMUNIST AGGRESSION ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD. THEY DIDN'T TELL OUR TROOPS THAT. THE POLITICAL ISSUE WAS "IS VIETNAM GOING TO BECOME A WW III FLASHPOINT?" WE DIDN'T FIGHT TO WIN. WE LEFT ENEMY TARGETS THAT WERE IN THE OPEN ALONE, DUE TO RIDICULOUS RULES OF ENGAGEMENT. THE ASSAULT ON FALLUJAH WAS INSANE. YOU HAD TERRORISTS TRAPPED BUT THEY HID IN MOSQUES AND THEN WE LET THEM GO. I UNDERSTAND THE COMPLEXITY OF MOSQUES AND THE ISLAMIC RELIGION. IRAQI TROOPS AND MUSLIMS COUPLED WITH WHAT SHOULD HAVE BEEN OUTRAGE BY THE ISLAMIC WORLD FOR TERRORIST TO OCCUPY ONE OF ISLAM'S MOST HOLY SHINES. THIS ISN'T A KIDS GAME WHERE THERE IS A 'SAFE BASE' YOU CAN RUN TO AND TOUCH TO BE INVISIBLE. WAR SUCKS. WAR IS BLOODY, BUT THE LONGER YOU LET IT GO ON, THE LONGER OUR ENEMY GETS STRONGER AND OUR SUPPORT GETS WEAKER. THE INSURGENT TERRORISTS KNOW THAT TIME IS ON THEIR SIDE. THEY KNOW THEY HAVE SUPPORT HERE IN CERTAIN POLITICAL PARTIES THAT PUT THEIR POLITICAL AGENDA ABOVE THE ASPIRATIONS OF FREEDOM AND DEMOCRACY ALL OVER THE WORLD. YOU SEE THEIR SUPPORT ON THESE AOL MESSAGE BOARDS. IT SICKENS ME. I GAVE UP TEN YEARS OF MY LIFE TO SERVE MY COUNTRY AND SUFFER A TERRIBLE INJURY THAT WOULD END MY CAREER IN THE NAVY FOR WHAT? WILL IT TURN OUT TO BE THE SAME SACRIFICE THAT 58,000 BRAVE AMERICANS GAVE DURING VIETNAM. THE 'ULTIMATE' SACRIFICE, THEIR LIVES. JOHN KERRY LIVES IN A FANTASY WORLD. YES, I DO WISH THAT COUNTRIES OF THE WORLD WOULD SUPPORT OUR FIGHT FOR FREEDOM IN IRAQ, BUT WHY SHOULD THEY? IT'S A 'WHAT AM I GOING TO GET OUT OF THE DEAL WORLD." WHY SHOULD OTHERS COUNTRIES SEND TROOPS THAT WOULD BE KILLED BY CAR BOMBS, IED'S AND KIDNAPPING WITH BEHEADINGS? THEY HAVE NO INTEREST IN IRAQI FREEDOM. IT'S A 'LOSE' 'LOSE' POSITION FOR THEM. I WISH THE U.N. WOULD ALSO HELP. THE U.N. HAS ALWAYS BEEN A CORRUPT TOOTHLESS ORGANIZATION THAT MORE TIMES THAT NOT HAS BEEN AGAINST THE UNITED STATES. THE U.N. FRANCE, RUSSIA, AND OTHERS COUNTRIES GOT CAUGHT WITH THEIR HAND IN THE COOKIE JAR, IN THE OIL FOR FOOD BRIBE MONEY SCAM. SADDAM HUSSEIN MADE OVER 10 BILLION DOLLARS THAT WAS SUPPOSE TO GO FOR AID TO THE IRAQI PEOPLE. HOMELESS AND HUNGRY WOMEN, CHILDREN AND BABIES. THIS IS A VERY CRITICAL TIME FOR OUR COUNTRY. DO WE HAVE THE BACKBONE AND STAYING POWER TO SEE THIS THROUGH, OR DO WE PACK UP AND RUN AWAY AND LET THE COWARDLY TERRORIST WIN? THAT'LL SEND A CLEAR MESSAGE TO THEM ON HOW TO DEFEAT US. DO YOU THINK A CHANGE OF PRESIDENT WILL STOP TERRORISTS FORM COMMITTING THEIR CARNAGE ALL OVER THE WORLD? THAT SUDDENLY A RED LIGHT WOULD COME ON JUST BECAUSE JOHN KERRY IS NOW PRESIDENT THAT AL-QAEDA, THE TALIBAN AND ALL OTHER VILE, DISGUSTING, COWARDS WHO USE TERROR AS A TACTIC TO FILL PEOPLE WITH FEAR, WOULD COME TO AN END? NO, IT WON'T! WE'RE FIGHTING THEM THERE, SO WE DO NOT HAVE TO FIGHT THEM HERE, IN DOWNTOWN USA. THE TERRORISTS ARE RUNNING HIDING AND USING PRIMITIVE TACTICS TO SCARE US. THEY KNOW FULLY THAT THEY CANNOT BEAT OUR MILITARY, SO THEY USE CAR BOMBS(VBIED'S) IED'S AND KIDNAPPING AND BEHEADINGS OF HOSTAGES AS THEIR ONLY TYPE OF WARFARE. IT IS HARD. IT IS BRUTAL, BUT WHAT IS THE RECOURSE? DEFEAT. DEFEAT BY A RAGTAG BUNCH OF URINE AND FECES STAINED CLOTHED MAGGOT EATERS WHO HAVE NO REGARD FOR HUMAN LIFE OF ANY KIND? WE MUST BE RESOLUTE, STEADFAST AND FIRM. WE MUST BE TOGETHER AND UNWAVERING IN THIS NEW BATTLE OF THE 21ST CENTURY AGAINST EVIL TERRORISTS. THERE ARE NO BORDERS IN THIS WAR. YOU CAN'T JUST RUN AWAY AND HIDE. WE ARE AMERICANS. REMEMBER WHAT WE STAND FOR. PIECE, LIBERTY AND JUSTICE FOR ALL. A FREE DEMOCRATIC IRAQ AND AFGHANISTAN WILL BETTER THE WORLD. THE DESTRUCTION OF BASES OR COUNTRIES WHERE TERRORISTS CAN OPERATE FREELY MUST BE ACCOMPLISHED. VICTORY WILL BE OURS AND THE WHOLE WORLDS.

TEN YEAR NAVY VETERAN 1982-1992
BUFFALO, NY

MESSAGE TO NAIVE WARMONGER ARMED WITH FALSE INFORMATION AND INFANTILE WORLDVIEW: Find your Caps Lock key.


IRONY-GATE

I'm sorry if I'm pointing out the obvious, but i had to run this by someone who cares.

Dan Rather is currently being crucified by fox news et al for a "deplorable offense"...

A person in a position of power and authority was presented with a startling opportunity. Someone of supposedly-sound character gave him some <inflammatory> information and, of course, he immediately saw the value in it. He thought the information was compelling enough to share with the American people, even though he could not (or didn't wish to) prove that the documents were valid. In his haste, he chose to use them anyways. Now it's discovered that those documents were misleading and his reasoning is negated.

This plot sounds familiar… At least when Rather did it, he didn't kill thousands of people. And, of course, Sixty Minutes is way more important than the war in Iraq.

I think it's awesome when we hold our journalists to a higher moral standard than our President.
-Matt

Dear Matt,
But the President is, well, you know…he's trying, right? Like, wasn't it so impressive that he didn't throw anything at the second debate? That was pretty good-for him, right?



ALL EMPLOYEES MUST WIPE HANDS ON PANTS

hello i read your review of my place (sep.29 to oct 13). the bathroom you used is no longer there it was tor down and the back apt. was opened up with a nice bathroom they told you use at your own risk because it is not for custumer use and the floor
was damaged. the new one was in the process of being opened and there are three other sinks in the storewith soap and towels.

the grease bin out side is no longer there i had to fight with the company to move it for months something about building codes and the truck being able to get at it well its gone anyway. you think its easy to open on a shoestring budget and to compete with all the big guys or the corporate giants my workers and my self try hard to give a good product at a good price. i under stand the concept of your news paper shock value of telling the raw truth and i think its cool but why don't you pick on the big money places that refuse to upgrade or fix things and pocket the money and not the little guys who are struggling well i guess its all just fun to you
Benny

Dear Benny,
Well, you just answered your own question. For the record, we still think you have the best pizza quality/value ratio in town. And we'd guess that the number of restaurant employees anywhere who wash their hands after urinating is probably on par with the average population-about 30%. But don't piss and moan-no soap, no towels, no ad, no excuses. By the way, we'll take a large cheese and pep with onions and amoxycillin; hot peppers on half.



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MAYORAL SURVIVOR: A BEAST CONTEST

ATTENTION BEAST READERS! The BEAST needs you to be the next Mayor of our dear city. That's right! We want you, a lowly loyal BEAST reader, to be the next Mayor of the city of Buffalo. WE ARE TOTALLY SERIOUS! We are launching a search for 16 contestants willing to run for the position of Mayor in 2005...


Truth is Overrated Al Uthman

It's been almost a week since the second Presidential debate, and I'm still baffled at the post-debate coverage.

Well, no, that's not really true. I remember turning to a fellow viewer as we watched Bush go to pieces and saying, "watch; they're gonna come on and call it for Bush."


Political Snicker-ing Matt Taibbi

The good folks at M&M/Mars and BBDO New York have combined recently to give the world one of the more uplifting cinema experiences of the year: a series of commercials in which hapless, ambitionless zeroes with terrible haircuts make improbable journeys from their couches to the throne of mankind after eating Snickers bars.


Big Brother Knows Best Paco Alameda

True story: After eagerly awaiting the DVD release of Fahrenheit 9/11, I take a bus to The Hamburg, NY Blockbuster and ask the first friendly clerk I see to point me toward the new releases. He walks me over to the Fahrenheit 9/11 display and being a very helpful chap, takes a DVD, hands it to me and says "Is this what you were looking for?"




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